I have decided that somedays I am a really good actress. Somedays I pretend I am perfectly fine and life is wonderful when all the while I am trying to force back the tears. I can say this, for a while everything was fine and dandy even though I started thinking. But ever so slowly the thinking began to take over my emotions and even some dreams.
I am not perfect, I am far from it, and I know that. There are good days and there are bad days. However for some reason I always have that twinge of guilt to admit that I feel as if I am starting to sink into bad days. I know that emotions can be kept in check but mine just seem to veer off to the bad days sometimes. I don't know why, they just do. And I know that this blog is not likely to get found so I feel ok saying it.
Today I cried, and I couldn't help it at all. My mind just went to last year, and January and next thing I know I am attempting to hide the tears from my mother. I feel as though I have to stay strong. I feel like I can't waver. I feel like I should be done having random days where my mind wanders and the tears fall. But of course, it happens. And of course I find myself stuck and not knowing what to do.
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