(My thoughts on relationships) - The Introduction

People that have actually read a lot of these blogs have realized that I am not the biggest expert on a lot of things, and one of that happens to be relationships. But not just relationships dealing with boys but relationships dealing with friends and family as well. A few weeks ago while flying back to Texas from Thanksgiving in Arizona, I started to write. Now I am not going to copy and paste everything I wrote then because I believe some things don't have to be written. Some things can just be examined throughout watching others live. Ultimately this post is written just for you all to know, what is probably going to become of this blog. And no, the title of the blog is not going to change. I feel that the name " The Beauty of It All" still has a lot to do with what I may end up posting. That and I really like the blog name! Without further to do, here is my new blog(s). And as it was when I first started writing these things, I am not expecting anyone to read it rather I am just wanting my words on a page and if people happen to read it, awesome. :)

I LOVE YOU three little words that hold so much power and at times I’m afraid to use and then at other times I’m throwing the phrase around like an old Frisbee to a dog. I say it to people who mean little to me but I am afraid to use the phrase when it comes to people who mean so much to me. 

MY MISSION is to write about love, to learn about love and relationships. To be the best friend, daughter, sister, and girlfriend I can be. I know that it may be a bit foolish to start this quest but I think it’s needed. I don’t think this will ever be in the hands of millions but I do think that just writing this will hopefully be able to help me transform myself and hopefully help me be and if ever the day comes others to be the best they can be. My mission in this writing quest is in a sense to discover how relationships should be. Especially since relationships are not my strong suit. 

MY CREDIBILITY. If you have to know the truth, I have no credibility not in the slightest sense. If you’d like to imagine that I am a family studies major with a minor in psychology feel free to do so! After all you are free to imagine whatever your little heart desires! You may like to know though that none of that would be true. Nope! The only credibility I have in writing this is I am a human from a family and I just happen to be In various types of relationships. So if you have gotten this far into reading this and would like to print all of this off and make it a book and throw it on the ground because I am no Dr. Phil, please feel free! Actually I would encourage you to do that if you are truly that upset that I am no Dr. Phil. However little credibility I actually have, I guarantee this may still hold a little more worth than that of an issue of a National Enquirer. I’ll actually throw in some truth. And for that, you are most welcome. 

So feel free to join me on this quest! Will anything actually be of any use to anyone? I have no earthly idea! All I know is I really like the thought of doing this even though I really don't have any credibility and what I say probably doesn't matter to you. But the truth is, I like writing out thoughts, and this is a good easy way to do it. 

My Day's Soundtrack

So in case you didn't know, I have a fantastic boyfriend. I am truly blessed that he is in my life, because he is one of the greatest men I have the privilege of knowing. Now that I gave you that sweet and short introduction to the protagonist to the story I shall move on.  :)

Last night right before falling asleep I get this message saying that he was going to send me a link for me to open in the morning and that I had to open it in the morning. Not going to lie, I was a bit afraid, he finds some pretty ridiculous videos sometimes and I was anxious at what would await me at 8:30 am. So as soon as I awoke this morning I went to the link and pressed play, to find a fantastic way to start the day. 

Yeah, I would say I was super ecstatic this morning having my phone seranade me as I was getting around. But the excitement didn't stop there. No, there were also links for noon and 3pm. 

As soon as my 11am class was finished I was quick to click the link and click the play button to hear a fantastic song that truly speaks to me, sadly.

Now I did admit I was really getting anxious! And honestly might have had a countdown to 3 o'clock. However around 3 I was in a car on my way to Abilene with some fantastic people and much to my demise, I lost all service of every type with the clock struck 3pm. So on and off again, youtube would work, and by 3:05 the song appeared on the screen! Sadly enough though, the video itself didn't load until 3:16. My countdown didn't work 100% in the end apparently. :) However at 3:16 I got to hear a fantastic song that's music video happens to introduce my second favorite vehicle.

Even though it may have took me a little longer to hear this song, it definitely put a smile on my face. 

I have said it before and I will more than likely continue to say it, there is just something powerful about music. It makes a person who they are and it can change a person to be stronger, more empathetic, what have you. And sometimees music can just wake up that part of you that has been asleep for far too long. Music is powerful, and music is wonderful. And I was lucky enough to have a personalized soundtrack for my day. 

Enjoy the music of life. 

My Public Diary

So I am more than certain that the only person that reads this blog any more is me and I am perfectly fine with that. It has almost become like my own public diary, I write what's on my mind or heart and put it on display for all to see and the only eyes that view it are mine. One of the things that does really crack me up though are the two blog entries previous to this one. Both are about love, and they both fully reflect who I am. 

The truth of the matter is, I think I am falling, rather I know I am falling and I don't want to get back up. I really do like this kid, and I really do. And I know that it's simple to say that I like this boy because we technically are still in the beginning of the relationship but the truth of the matter is, if I had to redo this summer, and this semester I wouldn't. 

On August 4th, 2012 I ended something marvelous and got to begin something fantastic. Thankful for BCBA, thankful even for the rules about Summer Staffers not being able to date, but more importantly thankful that I got to be introduced to one of the most incredible men I have ever met.

The List

So, I know that it has been forever since I have last post on here, but I don't mind one bit. I just am a terrible blogger and I know it. However I did want to post something that makes me super ecstatic. I love life. Life is fantastic. Even though I have no clue how my life is going to turn out in the end I do know that it's beautiful and will continue to be because I am not in control but God is.

I also know that I may happen to be smitten a bit by a guy, but I don't mind that one bit. A while back in my head I wrote a checklist of what I want in a guy. Wow,  a woman having thoughts of what would make the perfect guy? NEVER.

Anyway, here's my list:
1. Single (unless I am dating them)
2. Love God
3. Love people
4. Good looking
5. A Happy singing voice
6. Funny
7. Loves God
8. Older than I am
9. Loves God
10. Good looking

Now, I understand that it isn't the most realistic thing to make a list of traits or qualities that you want in your future spouse or other relations but I just would like to point out, that I may be smitten with someone that only fails to meet one of these. Now I am not saying I am going to try to pull all the stops to form a relationship with the guy that meets all but 1 item, but I am happy with what is going on between us. And more importantly I am praying that God does what he wants. If he wants the relationship to grow to be more than friends, AWESOME! If he wants us to just remain friends, then AWESOME! Because God has a plan for me, and it is far better than anything I could even imagine.

So here's to The List, and here's to hoping that I'll be wise enough to know what the end result should be!  But as for me, I am also hoping for the best. :)

A little thing called love.

I haven't blogged in a long time, my bad, my bad. Seeing though as no one complained about the lack of blog posts, it's no biggie. :)  So I have been thinking a lot about love and all that lovelyness the past few, weeks (? sure I'll go with that).  And at the moment, I am looking so forward to the future. Though I have no earthly idea who I will marry or even date in the next (however many years it is until I am married)  I am excited for it. But more importantly I am more excited about becoming the perfect me I can be and need to be for whosoever I end up with.

Now I am a self-proclaimed romantic, and have been for some time now, so I can't wait until I know who Mr. Right, and better yet, we know each other as Mr. and Mrs. Right. However until then I am working on me. I don't want to be in a relationship that I don't need to be in until I am where I need to be as a human being, and more importantly as a child of God. And I am working on it, and I just hope and pray that he, whoever he may be is too.

I am single, and fine with it. If somehow I was in a relationship right now that would be awesome however it wouldn't be right. As I look towards Valentines Day I don't look towards single awareness day, I look to a Tuesday in the middle of the week. But more importantly getting to see my friends that have a significant other in their lives, have smiles spread across their faces and hear their hearts skip a beat.

Happy Valentines Day, to all those single and to those who are not, may it be a joy and beautiful day.

Falling from a Break

This weekend was fall break, which meant that at Howard Payne we had Friday off! A whole extra 24 hours of freedom! The weekend started with a bang getting to eat sushi with my Brother Sam and jam out to actual new fun pop music. Friday I got to spend pretty much all day with my mother, which was amazing because I love that woman! Saturday I got to judge a tournament and see some wonderful people. And Sunday I got to spend a bit more time with my family before hitting the road again to come back to school.  I had a really good weekend and don't think that I am not grateful for the camaraderie, family time and shopping however the weekend ended with some falling. And not in a good way either.

*Warning Happiness of the Break is Done*
The Falling from it starts now....




I know that I have written about it before but tonight it was just once again on my mind. "What?" you may be thinking to yourself, well, the truth is I think and those thoughts just like to drag my heart into the gutter. I just couldn't help myself but reflect every day this weekend and recall little portions of the day that made me think... of him.

And I hate that I do this! It always seems to find me when I can't seem to just vent to someone or am away from people who tend to put a smile after smile on my face. I hate that these thoughts seem to come in waves and just when I think that they won't come back they hit me hard and fast. And a bit of me can't help but think that I shouldn't be having these thoughts, regrets, and most importantly these tears rolling down my cheeks any more. But sure enough the thoughts come and the tears begin to fall.

I just can't help but be reminded when certain things happen, or are said or when songs are played or I go to certain places sometimes and I HATE THAT!

I do have to admit that I miss him, a lot. And whenever the thoughts rush, other crappy thoughts come into play and I sometimes can't help that. One of the worst thoughts: I am going to die alone. And I know that it's stupid to think that because I know that God has a plan for me but somehow I continue to find that thought gnawing at my heart every so often.

It was a long drive tonight back to Brownwood. Mainly because of an hour of those thoughts, however, I am back in an area where there are people I love, and away from the loneliness that is the long and boring and stressful ride to the dorms.

Fall Break may be over, but I Fall is just now starting. Can't help but wish that the emotional falling won't come back. And that the happiness of the break will come back once or you know twice more.

Overjoyed, and Loving it!

God is moving, no doubt about it. And I am excited. I cannot even begin to describe how overjoyed I am about knowing how powerful our God is combined with how I know he is about to do some amazing and remarkable things in Brownwood, and Howard Payne. But not going to lie, I am really excited about what God is doing in my own life and is going to do in my life.

God gives courage, and strength when he doesn't have to. He gave me the guts to go down and actually figure out how I can be Christ's love in Brownwood Regional Hospital. Which I am starting the application to volunteer for the "book cart" now. I am so excited that God has placed this on my heart and has given me a ministry opportunity in which I can love on people, who at times may feel like God is so far away.

God gives hope and peace when once again, God doesn't have to! God gives us reassurance of his plans in those lives around us that at times we just give up on. But God doesn't give up. Which makes me so grateful that I am not God, and eternally joyous that he is THE God. God makes moments that for some could be so devastating or just depressing almost be moments where we can just be excited. Where we can glorify his name for the lives of others that have entered and may have already exited our lives.

God is great. He has amazing plans for me and for you. And even though we might not know it or feel it, God has some incredible things in store for each and every person. Incredible things like joy, peace, patience, hope and love. God is ready. We just got to make sure we are.