The hardest part about this all, is that I don't know how to "handle it". I just wish that somehow this could be easy, but I don't think that it can be at all, especially when memories flood back into view. Some that I absolutely loved and others that I absolutely regretted. I can say one of my favorites that I definitely don't mind was one I mentioned on facebook today, him writing on my car window in the rain, those three little words that melted my heart and glued a smile on my face. But then I think about that terrible dream, the dream that I can't help but think about. The only dream that I has ever woken me up in tears. And it once again, makes me think of the times where I wanted to tell him yes with all my heart but my stupid head got in the way, filling me with doubt, insecurity, a dash of false hope, and more importantly urged me to say no three times.
Everytime that I start thinking that every little thing is gonna be ok, my brain starts working overtime, and then the tears start streaming down my face and it makes me angry. I know that this was going to happen, and I am glad it happened this way and no other way. But when I hear some phrases, my heart finally gets to take control and it feels like its going to just fall apart on the floor. It's good to hear somethings, and it's reasurring to know that what we had was real, but at the same time just realizing that... makes me feel like I made the biggest mistake three times in a row. It kept me up last night, and I am sure it's going to keep me up again and again. The truth is I should've said yes the very first time you asked, but I was to chicken. The truth is, I was really hoping there was going to be a fourth time the question was asked, because I was waiting to answer yes, and had given up on waiting until the semester finished to see if we still liked each other the same way.
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