Gravity

The song gravity has been stuck in my head all day today, and it remains there on purpose. Because it seems like no matter how far I’ve come, you still enter my mind. And I know that a big part of you entering my mind is my fault. I know that. But I still can’t help it especially when I have dreams that you are still here, when I just look at how we were for a while, when I just think of where other couples are and where we could have been.

I know I already blogged for the day, but I just need to get this off my chest. Every time I think that I have a chance of "finding a guy", I feel bad. Every single time that I think I have gotten “over you” I find myself seeing your name pop up on facebook. And I can’t find it in myself to just delete you, you are still in my phone even. I have deleted phone conversations but I cannot find it in me to delete anything else. Though I may not know what love truly is, I know that I cared a lot for you, and as I have been told numerous times, you cared a lot for me.

I miss you. I truly fully do. It just seems that every time that I come back to town, somehow someone reminds me of you. And it makes me think of all the good and all the bad and that you aren’t here. It’s so hard to remember that sometimes, the fact that you aren’t here. I think that sometimes my mind just thinks you have gone away for a while but then reality hits in every so often and it stings like a knife.

I know that I wasn’t the person I should’ve been the entire time I knew you. And I apologize for that. I should’ve been there for you more than I was. I admit I was afraid, every time I got a phone call, my heart hit the pit of my stomach thinking that something was wrong. Whether you were calling or your mom (even if she was calling on accident), I started to think that every call was going to just bring more bad news.  I know that I could’ve been so much more than what I was. And I am sorry for that, I was just afraid of possibilities.

I miss you, and I know I won’t forget you, because somehow my mind always wanders back to you.