Falling from a Break

This weekend was fall break, which meant that at Howard Payne we had Friday off! A whole extra 24 hours of freedom! The weekend started with a bang getting to eat sushi with my Brother Sam and jam out to actual new fun pop music. Friday I got to spend pretty much all day with my mother, which was amazing because I love that woman! Saturday I got to judge a tournament and see some wonderful people. And Sunday I got to spend a bit more time with my family before hitting the road again to come back to school.  I had a really good weekend and don't think that I am not grateful for the camaraderie, family time and shopping however the weekend ended with some falling. And not in a good way either.

*Warning Happiness of the Break is Done*
The Falling from it starts now....




I know that I have written about it before but tonight it was just once again on my mind. "What?" you may be thinking to yourself, well, the truth is I think and those thoughts just like to drag my heart into the gutter. I just couldn't help myself but reflect every day this weekend and recall little portions of the day that made me think... of him.

And I hate that I do this! It always seems to find me when I can't seem to just vent to someone or am away from people who tend to put a smile after smile on my face. I hate that these thoughts seem to come in waves and just when I think that they won't come back they hit me hard and fast. And a bit of me can't help but think that I shouldn't be having these thoughts, regrets, and most importantly these tears rolling down my cheeks any more. But sure enough the thoughts come and the tears begin to fall.

I just can't help but be reminded when certain things happen, or are said or when songs are played or I go to certain places sometimes and I HATE THAT!

I do have to admit that I miss him, a lot. And whenever the thoughts rush, other crappy thoughts come into play and I sometimes can't help that. One of the worst thoughts: I am going to die alone. And I know that it's stupid to think that because I know that God has a plan for me but somehow I continue to find that thought gnawing at my heart every so often.

It was a long drive tonight back to Brownwood. Mainly because of an hour of those thoughts, however, I am back in an area where there are people I love, and away from the loneliness that is the long and boring and stressful ride to the dorms.

Fall Break may be over, but I Fall is just now starting. Can't help but wish that the emotional falling won't come back. And that the happiness of the break will come back once or you know twice more.

Overjoyed, and Loving it!

God is moving, no doubt about it. And I am excited. I cannot even begin to describe how overjoyed I am about knowing how powerful our God is combined with how I know he is about to do some amazing and remarkable things in Brownwood, and Howard Payne. But not going to lie, I am really excited about what God is doing in my own life and is going to do in my life.

God gives courage, and strength when he doesn't have to. He gave me the guts to go down and actually figure out how I can be Christ's love in Brownwood Regional Hospital. Which I am starting the application to volunteer for the "book cart" now. I am so excited that God has placed this on my heart and has given me a ministry opportunity in which I can love on people, who at times may feel like God is so far away.

God gives hope and peace when once again, God doesn't have to! God gives us reassurance of his plans in those lives around us that at times we just give up on. But God doesn't give up. Which makes me so grateful that I am not God, and eternally joyous that he is THE God. God makes moments that for some could be so devastating or just depressing almost be moments where we can just be excited. Where we can glorify his name for the lives of others that have entered and may have already exited our lives.

God is great. He has amazing plans for me and for you. And even though we might not know it or feel it, God has some incredible things in store for each and every person. Incredible things like joy, peace, patience, hope and love. God is ready. We just got to make sure we are.

Reflections on the Yesteryears/months

So, unless you have been living under a rock for the past 11 years then you would realize the significance of today. For the people reading this blog, you realize that today marks the tenth anniversary of 9/11 and most of you can remember what was going through your head every single hour or minute or even second of the day. Some people remember every thing they did that day, what they ate for breakfast and so on and so forth. But for me, I remember very little. I know I was in Mrs. Harris' class, I think and she wasn't supposed to tell us I believe. And I didn't see a video until I got home. I kind of feel bad for not being able to say that I was glued to the TV and furious or sad. Because the truth is I don't remember what all was going through my mind.

However, I do know a very important truth because of this past year that is something that a lot of people struggle with when thinking of 9/11. And it's the simple truth that sometimes bad things happen to good people and not because God has forsaken them but because we live in a sin fallen world. God does promise that He loves us and will never leave us but even still we will have to trod through rough patches, or see loved ones venture through dark times but that is when we just need to cling to God and hold on tight.

Social Caterpillar

I have never been the super social butterfly and I know that but every now and then I think that things are going to be different. Like at the start of the year I told myself that it's a new semester the things that held me back last semester aren't going to hold me back any more. And for the most part that is true. But at the same time it seems like I took a semester of relationships off and I can't get those friendships back. And I know it's all my fault that I forgot to focus on those friendships because I was so absorbed in myself and afraid of going back to the familiarity  of that first semester.

It's like all last semester I was the social cocoon like I made my way so far but I couldn't become the butterfly but rather wrapped myself so tight that no one could really get to me. But somehow I managed to break out of that cocoon and though I am still no butterfly I am at least not suffocating in that stupid casing that kept me away from the world and the world away from me. 

And I know a lot of times I read too much into things and actions that other people do but for some reason I can't help but do that. It just feels like people I was friends with at one point, kinda don't want to deal with me and it isn't a grand feeling. But I don't know how to truly fix it, because it's like the cocoon time completely backtracked my social being here with certain people and for them I am now a brand new caterpillar, and I don't like that. 

To Infinity And Beyond!

*disclaimer* I am not really back into the swing of blogging every night, my bad BUT I am trying to be a little better about it. Anyways...

So this past weekend at HPU I attended a thing called IMPACT. For those that don't know Impact, it's basically a two day focus on missions in Brownwood and the world. This was my second time getting to participate so I thought going into it I would know what was going to happen to the T. However, God doesn't work to the T all the time. 

This weekend I got to go love on some girls at the TYC, which is a youth correctional facility here in Brownwood. I got to hear a beautiful testimony showing God's love and redemption from one of my favorite upperclassmen's sister. I got to worship and have fun with girls that I didn't know and that I didn't know their background but I did know that God loved each one of them. The cool thing was as soon as I got there any fears that I may have had, melted away. I didn't see them as girls who were in TYC, I saw them as girls who Christ died for and who God loves dearly even though they may have made some bad choices. 

The reason I titled this blog to infinity and beyond is not only because I caught a few seconds of Toy Story today, but because that is how much love that God has for us and how much love we are to have to Him and our fellow man. Today we got to listen to a guy named Chad Matthews, just an ordinary man who listened to God's will for his life and followed it. Chad talked to us about the work that he has been doing for the past couple of years and more importantly that we as Christians need to take a stand and start being a Christian more in our walks instead of just talk. The whole entire time that he was talking though, I am not going to lie, my mind wasn't always on the words he was saying but I felt a tugging at my heart that there was something God had planned for me to do. And right away I flipped to the only page marked in my bible which was marked by a card that was given to me by the chaplain at the TYC, which made me wonder and still makes me wonder if I am meant to be a mentor. But then the cogs in my mind started moving more and more. Last year, I had a desire and a passion to go into the Brownwood Regional Hospital and just love on people and I even told a few people but that was as far as the desire went. And while I was sitting in the chairs in Grace Chapel I started thinking how much I loved the idea of a ministry started by a few of my church and even though I don't know how it is going I thought that there needs to be one here. 

After Chad finished talking Impact was officially over but everyone was invited back to the HUB to ask questions and I couldn't help but still feel as though just thinking, "there is some mission that I need to do" wasn't enough of a thought. I still didn't really know where I needed to be and what I needed to do. Partially because I have doubts and fears that I am just thinking of things I want to do. So while questions were being asked and Chad talked more about his experience living with homeless people and loving on homeless men and women, I snuck upstairs to just figure things out. When I flipped to a random page in my bible it just happened to be several passages that included talks of miracles that Jesus had done, and even a verse addressing doubt. And of course if that wasn't enough, while finishing reading some of the verses I heard the sound of sirens. Now I am not going to lie and say that I am not scared, and worried and confused of what all I will be getting myself into. However the truth is I know that this is what God wants me to do while I am here.

 God wants every person to know they are loved to infinity and beyond. And I am just considering myself blessed that God is allowing me to see where I can serve him and love on others when they need to feel him the most. So any readers out there that happen to have read this far, please be praying for lots of things. Pray: for wisdom and confidence and guidance throughout this ministry and also be praying that you find where you are passionate to serve and that you plug yourself in. 

Back to School! :)

So I figured since I stopped blogging because I had no real amazing things happening this summer that I deemed as blog worthy that I would start blogging again now that the school year has begun. And I am not going to lie I am pumped for this school year! I am ready for new adventures, to learn and understand Espanol, to be a better golfer, and maybe just maybe be a better person or something like that. I am anxious but ecstatic about what new adventures may be facing me.

One of the things I am possibly most anxious about is just turning 19. I have no clue why but it just terrifies me that I am almost done with my teenage years and almost even more adult. Even just my dad telling me that I only have two and a half more years of school left freaks me out. For some reason it's so hard to me to accept that I am almost having to take responsibility for my own life. I am terrified that I am going to have to grow up and become someone that I haven't had to be yet. It scares me. I am not one to claim that I know the future nor am I one to say that I am prepared for whatever comes my way. The truth is I was never in the girl scouts, and I am not a psychic. However I do know that no matter what comes my way, I'll be okay.

TJ Maxx Employee

Tomorrow is my first official day at wor ad I am proud to say that  Will look cute. I will be nervous. I will be anxious. I will make mistakes. But I am pumped!

With 4 Minutes!

It's four till midnight but I am not worried. Tonight was fun! In-N-Out  and a lot of Spanish equals a great night with some wonderful people!

RED DEAD REDEMPTION

For those that know me pretty well, you know that I am not that big of a video gamer. However there are a few games that I love every now and then. Today I have been reintroduced to the game red deaf redemption and it is by far one of my favorite games for console.

Emotions

It's crazy the number of emotions that a person can go through within a few days. And I must say, I have experienced a whole lot these past few days. I really don't know how but I do know that I have some wonderful people in my life and I have had some great life happenings. I am grateful for my life even though there are days where I won't even lie, I get tired of some things.

Tears in Television

Without a doubt there are some tv shows that I have to watch or I feel like I missed something extremely important. Mainly I feel I missed something important because it will be all over facebook and I will be lost, but sometimes I just have to know what follows the cliff hanger.  However what does bother me a lot is when TV brings emotions out of people.

Glee. Yes, Glee, the latest episode made me a tad teary eyed. And there has definitely be some other episodes out there that definitely brought some tears to my lashes. I guess I really don't like it because shows like Glee have so many happy episodes so when a depressing one comes it is almost like a sucker punch to the tear ducts. Things like that just aren't right.

Pump up the Pep!

Tomorrow is a day that will be filled with amazingness! I am going to my first job training and I am thrilled and nervous and pumped!

Acting out of Character

I have decided that somedays I am a really good actress. Somedays I pretend I am perfectly fine and life is wonderful when all the while I am trying to force back the tears. I can say this, for a while everything was fine and dandy even though I started thinking. But ever so slowly the thinking began to take over my emotions and even some dreams.

I am not perfect, I am far from it, and I know that. There are good days and there are bad days. However for some reason I always have that twinge of guilt to admit that I feel as if I am starting to sink into bad days. I know that emotions can be kept in check but mine just seem to veer off to the bad days sometimes. I don't know why, they just do. And I know that this blog is not likely to get found so I feel ok saying it.

Today I cried, and I couldn't help it at all. My mind just went to last year, and January and next thing I know I am attempting to hide the tears from my mother. I feel as though I have to stay strong. I feel like I can't waver. I feel like I should be done having random days where my mind wanders and the tears fall. But of course, it happens. And of course I find myself stuck and not knowing what to do.

Hey, how are you doing?

Running into people that I know and went to school with tonight was pretty odd. It's really odd, especially when we weren't super close in the first place and then as soon as we cross paths you act excited. It's weird honestly. Why do we automatically become buddy buddy now that we have graduated. Is that how our society is supposed to work? Have a fairly large gap between being in the same building and bam, all of a sudden friends from freshman or 8th grade year ask you how life is. It's just weird.

Dream

Dreams can be a crazy thing. They can make the unbelievable come believable just as long as you let it. The as long as you let it, is the tricky part. I hate it when the dreams seem so real until you are taken back to the reality of the matter. And I know I am rambling I get it, but it just bothers me when I wake up and realize that a part of the dream is not even possible.

The truth is, it scares me. The dreams seem so real as all do until I realize while sleeping that something is amiss. And it scares me because it starts to toy with my mind as long as it can. Oh dreams, please be sweet to me. Please allow a simple nights sleep. Please let it be peaceful.

Anti-Love

These days there are so many love songs on the radio and every now and then I think Cee Lo Green has it right the whole time. Hate songs, makes sense to me. Especially when there are people out there that don't break your heart but break your self esteem, self worth, dignity, pride and confidence. People sometimes deserve a bit of Cee Lo Green.

Why do you just make my blood boil? Why do you just make me feel 1 foot tall? Why do you make me hate life? Why do you just make my skin crawl? Why do you just make me want to leave the room every time you enter? Why do you make me hate?

The End of a Resolution

So, blogger did me in yesterday. My resolution died yesterday. I wasn't able to blog but it doesn't mean I am going to stop writing. Quite the opposite. I am to continue writing until my fingers die or until the year is done. However yesterday was not all in vain. I did receive a phone call from a possible place of employment. Needless to say I had my very first job interview today and I think it went well!

Family Games

Family time with the brothers that are home. The internet may be down however the game systems are still playing!

UGh.

I really would like to know what I am going to be doing this summer. At this point, I really am wanting to know if I do have a job offer, or if I have the ability to do some things before the job begins, like if I am going to be able to help VBS or if I need to apply to a billion other places. I am getting a little antsy with all this waiting. I know I haven't applied to a billion places, but I have gotten no feedback at all, and it's kind of frustrating.

Lazy

So, I am really wanting a job, right now I am not going to even lie. These past few days have been fun, having no worries, stress or responsibilities. BUT, I am perfectly fine if that comes to an end! I just feel as if this lazy summer feeling is just annoying, and needs to come to an end. I mean I don't want this feeling of waisting a summer and would really like to do something productive.

Needless to say, Bruno Mars has been my anthem singer for the past few days.

It's an awesome song and a pretty neat video.

And They're Off!

Today, even though it was mother's day, I spent it with my father. Not going to lie, it was nice. We went to Lone Star Park, and watched the ponies run! It was so much fun. I loved it! Watching the horses run, making wagers, hoping and crossing my fingers that my horse would win, deciding that some jockeys were just jerks and made me lose on purpose, and also deciding that I hate the number 7. Needless to say, I really enjoyed it!

Mother's Day (that's tomorrow)

I've said it once, I've said it twice and I will probably say it a billion more times before I die. I love music. And not just for the beautiful melodies or entrancing voices but for all of it. Sometimes the lyrics can seem to fit your precise mood while other times just the meaning of the song can be so powerful that it is unexplainable. For mother's day I decided to make my mom a mixed CD, mainly songs she loved but also I threw on a few songs she didn't know. I put a few on that I thought she would end up liking but then I also placed a song on the CD that simply put exemplified my mom.

The cool thing about songs is that the meanings can be multiple. Though the artist may have an original decision and thought process about what the song means, it can become different for each and every person that listens to it. The song that was my mom happened to be one of those, "She is Love" by Parachute. The song can be meant just for a girl that the band likes, for a person that always stands strong and is there for them or for love in general. Ultimately, it's all up for debate about what the song is about. For me, the song just exemplifies my mom, being there for our hard times in life, staying strong when we are weak, showing us the hope, remaining strong, patient and encouraging.

My mom is one of the most important people in my life. I know it may sound corny or lame to say that or, that I am just saying it because tomorrow is mother's day. However, I say it because it's true. Though our relationship has never been 100% perfect, she still means so much to me. My mom has been here for me through thick and thin. My mom has been an example and a positive role model for all my life. My mom has shown me what a strong godly woman looks like. My mom is wonderful, and I love her dearly. My mother is love.

Dear Mom,
If you are reading this, which more than likely you are, I just want you to know that I love you so much. I am so blessed to have you as my mom. You truly are remarkable and have always been there for me in hard times, and I know you always will be. I am so grateful to have you in my life. You truly are one of a kind, and I am glad that you are my mother. I am sorry for the days where I have/will  misbehave/ be stupid/get on your last nerves/do the wrong things/get mad/or whatever else. I love you mom.
Love, Katie

Philosopher Jagger

As House so eloquently quoted, "Philosopher Jagger once said, 'you can't always get what you want.'" I couldn't help but think, "UGH!!!" Needless to say, "Philosopher Jagger" hits it right on the head, again. I didn't get a part I wanted in the play, I didn't get a part at all, unless you include being on tech crew. However, as House and my brother remind me that's not the end of the world. 

I am still not to happy that I didn't get a role. However I am still going to do it, even though it's not what I was hoping for. There are so many other things that I am thankful for though, so I am not going to let it get to me. 

I won't always get what I want, and I get that. However if I try sometimes, I might just find, that I get what I need. 

Dorm + Home Room

My mom and I unloaded a lot of my stuff that forever resided in my dorm room. My room looks absolutely horrendous there is stuff everywhere including freshly clean clothes and several jam packed bags . It really is a site to see. The act of moving back home seeing all of my dorm life and home life mix together on my floor and  bed and everywhere else.

The Voice

If you have not watched "The Voice" yet, you need to! It is absolutely amazing! So much better than idol because it's not as superficial and the judges are just wanting to help out the contestants! I love it! Must watch!!!! Am watching now!

Finals Week

It has come to my attention that finals week has got to be one of the most confusing and crazy times of year. Well, ok maybe not so confusing as some things but there are some peculiar points to finals. For one thing, finals week stress differs from person to person. For some people they feel as if that one test for that one class will either be the death or life of them. While for others, like myself, they just look at the final and think, hmmm it only counts for so much of the grade and my grade (if its good) won't be that bad. Then of course there are those students who act more like me when they should be thinking, "hmm... I might fail this class."

For me I guess the craziest thing is actually having to get my stuff in gear, and pack. Not going to lie, it's kind of bizarre realizing that I won't be here for quite a few months. It is also kind of bitter sweet to say goodbye to the icebox of #228. Kind of strange just realizing that a whole entire year of college is over and a new year awaits me. I must admit it is also weird knowing tonight is my last night in this bed. But at the same time it's refreshing. There isn't one thing that through the course of this school year I would change in a heartbeat. I laughed, cried, got stressed out, screamed, and lived.

The thing about finals week ultimately is not about the tests, but being able to realize that this is the final week of the semester, of the year, of your college life thus far. Finals week: a time to reflect how far you've come and have no regrets.

The Audition

It began merely by a simple drift of conversation in Mims auditorium, the words fall show managed to linger in my ear. Excited, I asked the ultimate question, "What is the show?" The answer I received was South Pacfic.  The news I did not expect to hear however was that auditions themselves were just around the corner, the first day of finals week to be exact.

I searched high and low, near and far and almost everywhere in between to find a piece of music that I would audition with. It wasn't until after several texts and listening to several songs did I finally make the decision to sing, "Show Me" from My Fair Lady.

The audition process began at 4:30, and one by one we entered the choir room and began to sing our selection. Once we were done we were allowed to do whatever our hearts desired but we had to promptly return at 5:30 for the dance portion.

There were a lot of people there, I truly wasn't expecting as many as there were. So the dance portion of the auditions were pushed back until 6:00, and once it began it all went downhill. The dance portion was going to only be a little bit of learning it and then turning around and performing it for directors, and if that wasn't nerve racking enough, I have no profound dancing ability what so ever.

We spend about 15 minutes learning the steps in which I continuously make minor mistakes until the practice and learning is stopped. Then we each were assigned a number 1-31 (or so). The first people to perform would be those numbered 1-5, they would perform in the room in front of the directors and with every other person auditioning watching along the side of the room.

When they called my name I was given the number five. I danced my hardest but at certain points I realized the moves that I were doing were completely wrong. I tried my best but I am not a dancer.

History in the making!

By now, you have probably heard that Osama Bin Laden has been announced dead. It's a crazy thing. I know that it's been ten years since the war began but it's odd to realize that it may soon be over. Not a bad odd but a peculiar odd. Ten years, all may be finished. The sacrifices that brave American men and women made have made such an important impact and will not go unnoticed. A few years ago, when Huessein was executed it was just the first of many steps for a little bit of peace in the Middle East. And though we aren't quite there, things keep lining up to make it become a possible reality.

Technology such as facebook and twitter, helped a lot, all that is popping up in my newsfeed seems to be interlinked. Osama Bin Laden, dead. Though the news has been said, there is still that fear of more war. Though the head has been cut off, we have no promise, but we do have hope. Hope that soon the war will come to an end. Hope that through this death, their will be no new leadership in Al Qaeda, no ability to regain their footing. Today is a day, to be proud of our troops, be proud of our country and be thankful for a God that has been watching out over all who have fought, and for the families who lost loved ones in battle. Today is a day, of thanks and reflection. To realize that we are blessed, and to hope that the MidEast will soon meet and experience peace.  

Harry???

So I don't know how many people that read my blogs, (even though there aren't many) know my goal of reading all the Harry Potter Books before the new movie comes out. Not going to lie it started all because of the last Harry Potter movie, and it leaving on a cliff hanger type ending, and that wasn't going to roll with me. So I began the week of Thanksgiving to start to read the Harry Potter books, and boy did it take a while for me to get through the first two. I started book 2 during the break and then put it down, until eventually, (like January) I picked it back up. Push comes to shove, and I am finally starting book 7 tonight.

I never really ever thought that I would enjoy Harry Potter. Never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine me picking up the books and reading them, and I have always enjoyed reading so reading them shouldn't have been very hard. However, the desire was never there until of course the movie didn't answer all of my questions that needed to be answered. The second thing I must admit is that this is the second time that I have purposefully read a book before the movie counterpart came to theaters. Not going to lie, I read Shutter Island thinking it would be released in October of 2009, and was far to prepared for Hollywood's take on the book in 2010.

Now I understand, not all people like Harry Potter, or will ever have an interest in the book or movie, however I must admit, J.K. Rowling did a good job. And for that I guess she can deserve the millions she made. (unlike some other millionaires in the world).

The Waiting Game

For whoever knows how long, I am playing the waiting game with various stores throughout the McKinney area. Hoping and crossing my fingers that an email or a phone call will come saying, "Hey what do you want to do this Summer?" But who really knows right?

I know that I just applied recently but I am seriously hoping that I do in fact get hired, partially because I want actual work experience rather than just life experience. One of the reasons why I am not enjoying the idea of this waiting game is that I really don't know what I am doing and if I am filling out things properly. Another main reason why I am extremely intimidated is because I am seeing all sorts of signs pop up in Brownwood about employment opportunities, and I am not applying here but at home. It makes me scared that there won't be available jobs in town so I will be stuck doing nothing useful or productive.

It's odd, realizing this is my first summer without any big plans of adventure, or camps or what have you. I am going into summer without having signed up for anything, and it's oddly refreshing.

Summer Time

I am really looking forward to next weekend. For some reason I am just really ready to be done with this semester. What am I gonna do this summer? I still don't know how to answer the question, I do know that my parents want me to get a summer job and I do know that I am fine with that idea, if I can find a stinking job.  But most importantly I just want a break from learning and due dates and all that loveliness.

Pre-Finals

Today was a wonderful day! I really am perplexed how through this week so far I have remained so calm and stress free knowing finals is right around the corner, however it's something marvelous. I had a presentation today that I only truly started yesterday and I really wasn't worried. I had the normal amount of nervousness but that was it. However if the stress free the week gave me wasn't good enough, I spent quality time with two great friends and watched a funny movie. Who knew that the week before finals would be such a breeze!

Unblogable.

I really am hating my blog habits of recent. And I have no clue how long it will take until my blogs get back on the stage of readable again.  I think a big problem is I am procrastinaiting and start them when my mind is something else. Another problem could be some topics that do remain on hand I feel are unblogable. Because somehow the wrong eyes will lay across it and be mad or upset or even worse start trying to give advice on my life.

Just Me.

I am not going to lie, I was very close to going to bed without typing this. However I realized almost last minute. The thing that has been most prevalant on my mind lately is the fact that the school year is coming to a close and to me it's no biggie. I am not freaking out about finals, or major projects rather I am just being me. And I think that especially at times like these where stress is supposed to be a part of life, I am perfectly fine with it.

To Be Brief.

My laptop won't last much longer because it is on it's last amount of battery and I can't find half of the plug but tonight has been adventurous. Thanks to seeing friends, getting a tornado warning, having a nice old lady hand me my wallet that I dropped, a 149602503532 mph wind tunnel, and most importantly seeing family. All in all a fantastic end to a grand weekend.

Struction

Time for a first time tonight! I actually remembered a topic that I wanted to write about the other day. Ok so yes, it's still technically late however it is back on my mind. The topic kind of goes hand in hand with the title of my blog page, "The Beauty of It All" just because I have decided that I really think that construction and destruction are really pretty.

Now I know that some people such as enviornmentalists or historians might not be siding with me on this one but there is just something beautiful about the act of both. Construction is beautiful because more often than not it creates something brand new in an area that at one time didn't have it or even more beautiful, it improves something for all to enjoy. And then there is the deconstruction, for me the beauty of it all comes from the idea of new beginnings. That building is being torn down to place something new there whether be a park, home, school or even something not so nice, but also I just really like the looks of delapidated buildings. I know it sounds odd, but sometimes the prettiest places are the onces that are the way the are because some bad things had happened, whether storm, fire, or accidentally being hit by a bulldozer, it's just beautiful.

Home

I love being home but more than that I love being able to sleep. Sleep whenever and in a great bed.

The Adventures Of Speed Racer (the fish)

As I was driving home today, I thought of a fairly fun little prompt that I could right a short story on, and I am not going to lie, it might not be that great of a story but it for sure amused me when it came across the fore front of my mind. The story line would pretty much surround a road trip and involve 2 characters the whole time, the driver and her fish in the front seat.

Now, I know that it might not be an instant hit but when I was driving in some disgusting traffic by the airport I couldn't help but every now in then fear that something was going to kill poor little speed racer, which of course brought on the story idea. I know it might not go very far or at all. However I think that there needs to be a story about a girl and her fish. But most importantly the book could take a turn like the girl and her friend sharing the fish and something dramatic happening to the fish on one of their watches. (NOT SAYING THAT SPEED RACER IS IN BAD HANDS AT ALL!)

Just a thought though. 

Take that Math!

Without a doubt I conquered a great feat today. I conquered procrastination! Now it might not seem that impressive but I actually finished my homework that is due tomorrow before tomorrow! I am pleased!

don't bother reading

Today was the last full day of my Tuesday night class and I am not going to even lie, I am kinda sad. Tonight was one of the funnest nights in the class because people were actually talking about random stuff a little about the professor and a little about Harry Potter it was fun. Now I am tired. This blog sucks.

Locking Keys in Cars

So if you have read any of my earlier statuses this evening you may have realized that I locked my keys in my car. But it's all good. Why? Because sometimes it's the little things in life that make you realize the bigger and grander things in life.

After going on a grand adventure trying to find my keys at Chicken E and the Early baseball fields my keys were nowhere to be found until we make our way back to campus and I look into the passenger seat for once, and BAM the angels flew down and started singing and my keys were there. Not going to lie, I was praying hard for the keys to be there. And it made me think, this is chapel-like, gratitude, I am grateful for the little things in life where God takes care of me. And I am especially grateful for people like Jeff the security guard that God places in this world who is able to unlock my car leaving barely a scratch. 

Locking keys in cars, or realizing that God is still on his throne, either way its the same thing for me. 

Rambles of the night.

I hate it when I start my blog when I am tired because I always know that nothing truly groundbreaking will come from typing with yawns coming every 5 minutes or so. I hate it when I go to type a blog and all day I had good topics to discuss and interesting ideas to throw onto the web and all of  a sudden when I finally pull out my laptop and go to type, all the ideas slip away into the abyss of la la land and never come out until the next day when once again they tease me.

When I go to write things, I for some reason always have that small desire that what I write will be something that one day some one will oooh and awww over however I know that, that idea is just a fantasy and that no matter how hard you try fantasies don't always come true.

However away from all this nonsense the magic of the evening definitely occured primarily at the Corley household this evening when a snake wound itself around the motor of a 4 wheeler and we tried to get the snake out. Only to later tease it just enough when one brave soul was riding it trying to irritate it just enough did the trick. The snake try to escape the four-wheeler through the seat but then realized that the plan wasn't going to work well. Needless to say, the rider screamed loudly and we on the porch laughed.

I can judge you if I want to!

Today was a very long day, but I got to spend a good majority of doing something that I absolutely love. Judging, I don't know why but I really like doing it. Even when I get no more than a twenty minute break between rounds and there is no free lunch and the pay isn't the best ever, I love it. I even love it when I am the squirrel judge on a panel and one of the judges on the panel begins to discuss how they thought the round went and I am thinking, "blech, that kid was terrible!" The only thing I feel bad about though, I must admit is judging people I know. Not because I am a biased judge and will automatically let friends win, but because I force them to earn my vote.

One of the reason I was so willing to go and judge today besides the fact that I was getting to do something I love, was that it was an important tournament. I got to judge regionals for 5A! I still am kind of shocked that I was able to judge for such an important tournament however I am stoked because I get to put it on future judging resumes and things of that matter! I love judging. And now I can officially say, I have decided on whether or not 6 different students get to compete at state. And I am perfectly fine with how I judged.

Short Life thought

I hate it when things don't work out the way that we plan them to. Like when you and a friend try for something and only one succeeds and the other doesn't . Just isn't fair. But sometimes that is life.

Teen Mom

Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant are shows that just crack me up. It just shows the bad side of America for every nation that gets MTV. It's just sad. I don't know why we have entertainment that promotes things like teen pregnancy. It is entertaining but sad on how we find our entertainment.

Rhyming Attempts

I don't know the future,there is no crystal ball in my hand.
What I do know is that the hourglass is running out of sand.

All I see is the path that lie in front of me.
And to much of my dismay there is nothing else that I can see.

Tomorrow is a mystery while yesterday is just plain history,
As for today, just a blind man's fury.

Ultimately, though the "poem" is terrible it all comes down to the fact that I am blind when I start to think about the future. I truthfully have no stinking clue of what will come my way. Whether success, failures, love, heartbreak, hope or destitution, I don't know what will happen. And right now, I am perfectly fine with that!

Philosophize Ya!

I have had these thoughts and type discussions before and I have decided that in no way could I ever be a scientist in any way shape or form. However I believe I have come to the conclusion that being a part time philosopher wouldn't be so bad. Philosophers tend to look at things intently without going into it too much and scientifically rather they look at hypothetical situations and morals and ideologies and things of that matter. I never want to be a scientist because they have to know the hard facts and nothing else of the matter. But I would love to be one of those philosophers whose works practically consist of a giant book of quotes that some people already know and follow! I have been told I have deep thoughts, and some philosophers are considered great thinkers. So I think that I am going to write down on all my resumes from here on out that I am a philosopher because I can be!

BiPoLaR

How is it that sometimes one certain thing can affect us a million different ways? I mean everyone has something in there life that brings them different emotions at different times. Looking at a picture and having it bring you joy, and then looking at the same picture at a different time and it bringing tears. A phrase that friends may toss around one minute causing laughter the following week leaving behind a nasty scar. I think in a way there are times that all of us have little bi-polar moments. Times when we think of a memory and are strong, and times when we reflect on the same memory and almost collapse with heartache. When a song comes on the radio and you can't help but jam out to it, then the same song comes on and you can't help but feel just plain numb because of the insignificance of how it relates to you at the moment, or then again you hear it and all you feel is the pain of all the old memories that are after all just memories.

It's odd. When you sit and think about it, certain actions evoke various reactions, even if it is from the same person. Some things can pull our heartstrings while at the same time be the very thing that plasters a smile onto our face for so long. I guess what I am trying to say is that right now things are looking on the up and up. Throughout different things in life things are just looking brighter. It may help that I am not so much on the stressed out side, and more on the chillaxed side of life. But it's still good to know that as for now the bi-polar-ness of events seems to be consistently on the positive end rather than well, the negative. I am grateful for that too, life is better when things just seem better.

Speed Racer the Fish

Today I got to go on an adventure with the one and only Whitney Turnacliff all the way to the majestic town of Abilene to figure out what in the world was wrong with her phone and we ended up making a detour at the Abilene Petsmart. Though we initially thought we were going in to find a Beta but that was before we saw the pitiful looking betas and the beautiful and speedy goldfish named Speed Racer!

I love little Speed Racer don't get me wrong, but as I was reading the bag holding our brand new fish, I got to thinking. When did we decide to start domesticating fish to where they aren't allowed to be released into the wild? When did we decide that it was cool to make it to where animals wouldn't survive if all of a sudden man kind were to vanish?

It's crazy to think that, and I truly don't know how that popped into my mind. But alas, alas it did.

hpu fest

working at a merch table for Revive!!! Want to post more later. And may be working a merch table for rock the desert?!?!

Captured!

So I am worn out! And tired but I just want to say I captured the flag tonight! Truthfully I walked in the dark of the night and grabbed the flagged and walked back over towards our side before I passed it a ways from the line to Tim Marlin! It was intense! I really want to type more on this later because it was awesome!

Laughter. There are so many different laughs out in the world and every person seems to have their own variety of laughter. The gaffaws that fill up a room, the chuckles that are snickered in corners and crevices. I love the differences in laughs they make me giggle.

Resolutions Pain

I am tired. Not the tired as in annoyed but tired as in sleepy and ready for bed. Times like these make me wish I never made a new year's resolution to blog every night, because when I forget to complete my blog and the clock gets to ticking and the eyes get to drooping, I get tired and regret having these blogs. I am tired but sticking with this resolution even though I almost forget and make real lazy blogs due to tiredness. Pain in the butt.

Success!

Some times in life, I just have to smile because I do something that I want to do rather than just talk! I am a pro at just talking the talk with I want to do this, and that but for the first time in a while one of those crazy "I want to" came true! And I know that might sound a little lame, but I have always made "safe" actions and never truthfully done any thing the least bit crazy. This is one of the first times that I made a spontaneous choice that is fairly permanent and I followed through!

Sometimes you just have to follow through and not just talk the talk, but do the do. I am happy!

Change

"Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas, I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself, and we could all use a little change"   - Greg Camp


I just quoted smash mouth, I think that makes me totally awesome. But aside from that, the whole quote is pretty true. And I just realized I analyzed this section of the song and shall now share with ya. 


So the first bit talks about needed some change for gas, and that is extremely true because gas costs an arm and a leg right now. Right after it though however just speaks of taking a break, getting away from what ever may be holding you back physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. A lot of time, I will see myself introspectively and realize hey, this is not the best idea to be looking down that road and yet I do it. I realize that I have things holding me back from merely moving forward in life, and  not going to even lie, a lot of it is me. Sometimes we need to get a break from life, and from what ever may be holding us back. 


Now the next line is pretty snazzy too, we all get worn down, and this portion of the verse just reminds us that we all need to be fueled back up sometimes. Every now and then people get at each other's throats, they get tired, cranky, annoyed, obnoxious, and ultimately need a little refueling to get back to what is "normal". (again I have no clue what normalcy truly is) But we do need that bit of R&R or else the whole world would go insane, and hectic. But the big impacting part of this verse has to be the end, "we could all use a little change". I don't know how often we as people do this, mainly chicks, but we go around and criticize how others are. Whether big or small flaws, we all have problems! But so much of the time people push aside their own faults and go into looking at what is messed up with the neighbor. The truth is though, we all could use a little change. We all have things in our life that aren't what they should be. We all have hindrances that we need to leave and run away from. 


We all could use a little change in a lot of different areas in our life. We all have our little hang-ups, and every now and  then we all run a little empty on energy, patience, and life. So every now and then, we are required more than just pocket change, but the concept and the action of change. 

Post 100

I feel as though this post is very monumental, and I think that our society is to blame for my thinking so. In our culture as elementary kids we celebrate the 100th day of school by taping 100 pennies to a piece of paper and showcasing it on the hallway walls. In the television industry every 100th episode is always guaranteed to be the best, greatest and most hilarious episode yet. Part of me wants to personally tell you that this will be the best blog yet, however TA-DA, no promises will be made! I had an epiphany earlier today when I realized this would be post number 100, and thought it would be cool if I made the 99th post all about the song 99 luft balloons, but then reality set in and bam, this is post 100.

So lately, I have been considering doing something fairly different for me. Dying my hair dark. I know some people dye their hair all the time, however I am truly considering just randomly going to the cosmetology school downtown and letting them change the color from blondish to brownish, and possibly a streak of blonde or pink or red or something funky. Just because, that and I can only have crazy hair in this time of my life. Because like this being the only 100th blog post in my life ever, this is also the only time I get to truly do crazy things and seeing how I am not an extremely crazy person and I am fairly sensible I am thinking a hair change may be acceptable in my mind. So for my 100th blog post I am admitting to something I hope I am going to do and what not!

Whitney Time

Sometimes in life you just have to spend time with a buddy. Even if that means watching a really stupid movie with the Whitney Turnacliff and feeling like I am about to crash  any minute. Makes me excited to look forward to next semester when we live in the same exact place! Pretty jazzed!

And for now...

I am not going to lie, I every now and then it makes me sad to realize that some blogs I write don't get as much attention as I would wish. I know, that is a little concieted sounding but sometimes, I feel like I pour myself into specific blogs and am longing for a little feedback to know that people hear me. I guess it's just that, when I know that I am trying to let people know certain things,whether just for amusement or because I am truthfully being honest, I want attention to that. Sometimes though, I write certain things hoping that someone will read them because I can't say them out loud. Because making some thoughts audible just make them that much more real. I just can't find it in myself to flat out tell people, "Hey this is what is truly going through my mind right now" because I know for fact that people just don't care a whole lot. And the people that do care, I truly appreciate but sometimes they just seem so far away and distant or just oblivious of how I am actually doing righ now.

I Need To Talk With You

One of the most terrifying phrases throughout my life has go to be the phrase, "I need to talk with you". I am usually an optimistic person however when those 6 little words are place just so and spoken directly to me, I cringe. And it's not just when people of authority say that, it's when friends or peers say that as well. It scares me, because as soon as those words escape the lips of the person presenting them, I start to think the worst.

A time I recall being scared out of my wits was when I got a version of those six terrifying words on a slip of paper to see the lovely vice principle in junior high. The first thing that popped into my head was, "Oh no, he knows I cheated on such and such homework, (probably math) and now, I am going to be kicked out of school forever". Thankfully that was not the case, I just got sent to the office for not writing my name on a bunch of papers in my Pre-AP English class. But no matter what the end result was, I can still remember my heart beating faster and faster, beads of sweat touching my forehead, and my mind running the full course of thought ending with my head on a platter for getting in trouble. Even though that day was so long ago, I still have similar feelings arise every now and then.

I hate it when that phrase terrifies me in the sense where the pain is not going to be for me. There are certain locations that I see every once in a while that flood back the memories when that phrase took its toll in an emotional way. I would get a text saying, those words that would always get my heart beating, force my lungs to forget how to function properly, and have tears start slipping down my cheek. Even now, just remembering those texts and how I would fear them, so much. Knowing that in a few seconds I would walk away from where I was and go and sit on that ledge and answer the phone call that would always seem to force the lie, "I am not crying" out of my mouth and into the airwaves.

Oh, how much I really hate that phrase. But then again sometimes, I find myself truly wanting to speak it to anyone that I think would be willing to listen and just tell them everything that runs through my mind. Just to almost release all the things that I have been wanting to say out loud. But still the phrase taunts me, because sometimes it's hard to truly find someone to listen, and sometimes it's difficult finding the ability to mouth those words much less make it have audible sound. And I don't know how many times I find myself lately how I really long to speak those despicable words.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes people need to vent, and I am willing to listen, but every now and then, it would be nice to get a break from being vented to because I am only human and for some reason I am not built to handle the world on my shoulders and then my life at the same time. At this moment, I wish that I could be like Lucy from The Peanuts and decide when my hours are, though I think I would place myself on vacation for awhile. I just for some reason, can't handle all the bad in the world at this moment.
And I highly doubt whoever may read this will even get this far in reading it because it is ridiculously long especially when being compared to some of my more recent blogs. But honestly the end of this blogs are some words that have been yearning to be heard for some time now.

And if you are still reading this, I commend you for being able to listen to my mini-vent. I would vent a little more, but then again, this is the internet and what I type won't explode in a week or two if I had the desire to click the delete button. So thank you, and congratulations for being able to handle something that I can't handle right now, due to well, due to me.

Returning to Normalcy? I wouldn't mind it!

Sometimes, I just feel weird. Not weird as in the "Oh-Em-Gee, that kid's a freak" but the weird as in, the I can't describe it exactly but I know for sure it cannot be defined as normal. But then again, who even knows what normal is? Okay, so a bunch of the definitions provided by dictionary.com include the word average but how in the world are we supposed to know what average is in a world filled with billions of people? When it comes to feelings and emotions and thoughts and ideas, how are we as people supposed to know what is the social norm or status quo?

Needless to say, I still have just been feeling weird the past few weeks. Why? I have no honest clue, life just hasn't been as status quo for me as it has been in the past. I am not saying that life has completely and totally been terrible these last couple of weeks because there has been some amazing times with awesome friends. However I am going to admit that it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows either. Because for some reason or another at various points throughout these weeks my mind has began to wonder and think things that I really wish weren't available to be in my mind. Things that truly shouldn't matter in the bigger picture but when I start to dissect life it just looks so huge and so imminent that it bothers me. And I have no clue why it is so much easier to type this all up and post in on a blog/facebook than actually talking to people about just feeling weird lately.

Then again, what is normal? Because truthfully, I have no clue. And if anyone ever discovers what normal is, please let me know.

But because a lot of this blog talks about normality, I shall end the blog with a musical I want to see so bad,

No Bueno blog

I have decided that self evaluations and fake nails are not my thing for the night at least. That said I am going  to know type a whole sentence without correcting myself. This I'd a reslly short blog becsyde I am tired snd I forgot sbout my blog snf I am typibg it on my pjone with fske nsils. If you can translate that then awesome!

English Love

One of my passions in life has got to be writing. Even though I may not be the absolute best at it, it is one of my passions. Every once in a while I have a gnawing thought that develops inside of me to write, whether be writing the truth, a short story, emotions or even the thought of writing a book. I just have this thought every so often that sometimes I wouldn't mind sticking author, or writer on to the end of my resume. I know it might sound silly, but every so often something will happen or I will be living life and all of a sudden, a scene in a story or movie will just pop into my head and sometimes I just follow it. I have this desire every so often as I did earlier this evening to write a book about life. Not something completely crazy or anything, but about life in general.

I have had several thoughts about what the general topic of the book would  be about and in my mind it would bring tears to the readers eyes, and laughs to their mouths. Yesterday, the idea on how to set out and write a book came randomly and I just thought, "huh, it would be a cool way just to make a blog a book. Have every new post a new chapter or something of that nature and BAM you have the beginning works of a book."  I thought of just making up a story and magically having a twist through out the blog, not just going and taking this blog and turning it into something. (Though I have thought about that before)

I enjoy writing and reading. I may not be the best but it is something that sometimes I just find myself longing to do, fact or fiction, random or provoked, it's just a part of myself that I happen to enjoy.

Scaredy Cat!

So I am not a fan of cats at all, partially because in intermediate school my cousin's cat hit me in the face, and partially because I am allergic.

Tonight, right now even I am spending time at Amber Corley's with Amber and Whitney Turnacliff finishing up and reviewing/preparing for our test at eight in the morning. After eating supper Whit and I decide it would be best to grab our gear out of our vehicles so that eventually we can prepare for bed. Well, I go to my car, and start searching for clothes that I am going to wear tomorrow, out of my giant laundry bag. When all of a sudden in the dark abyss of Early, Texas I feel a hit on my ankle, I FREAK OUT. Needless to say I glance down and instead of a monster ready to pounce, I see a cat. So I am not as terrified until, it leaps into my car and won't get out. (Mainly terrified that fur will be left in my vehicle and the next day my allergies will be going crazy and bezerk)

But now, I go back to work. So that we get sleep tonight eventually.

What is this feeling so sudden and new?

So just to be brief because I haven't been home longer than 5 minutes since 5:45 this morning. I am just going to state what is really on my mind and honestly it's friendship. There are so many different types of friendships in this world and I am not about to lie, I have been contemplating what type of friendship I truly have with certain people. It's hard to say but, a small part of me is wanting to scream out "that is not a true friendship at all" and then I feel bad for thinking that but everyonce in a while something happens or a thought process emerges and I find myself at square one all over again on what type of friendship this truthfully is. And no, in no way am I going to state the name of said individual, and in no way should you automatically assume it is you. In the right way at the right time, if the information with said individual needs to be shared it will. It just throws me for a loop sometimes, and I could be making something out of nothing, however I am none too sure.

Procrastinate!

I am a procrastinator. I wait until the last possible moment to start and even end things. I really don't know why I am a procrastinator besides the fact that a lot of things that have deadlines either come easy to me or are just extremely simple for anyone to do. The reason I am letting you know this is because it's one of the prime reasons my blogs are always posted twenty till midnight, or as is the case right now, a few minutes before I fall asleep. The thing about procrastination though, is it is not the worst way to approach a task. The worst way to approach a task is either not at all or giving up half way. And I am proud to say that this blog though I may procrastinate on posting until the last hour of my deadline, will never fail the goal of being posted everyday this year.

And.... BREAK!

I am posting this blog early today partially because right now the migraine has subsided to a very tiny headache, and before the headache goes back to a migraine I am going to get some use out of my mind. Needless to say, today I had a migraine and it hurt a whole lot. I for one am not a fan of waking up extremely early just to realize I feel like crap. I am however a fan of skipping classes for the day because I know already full and well, I won't be able to pay any attention due to the feeling of my head being squashed by the use of a die-cutter machine. That's the very thought of how painful my migraine was at 5:20 this morning, the die-cutter machine. 

However, after a billion hours of sleeping, and a bit of time attempting to be apart of the community (to no true prevail), I feel better. Every once in a while you need a break, even if that break from the world come from an invisible die-cutter, it's still needed. 

Sometimes...

Sometimes things just don't happen as you would expect them to.
Sometimes you don't get your way.
Sometimes you don't have to take specific classes.
Sometimes you don't have to stay up late.
Sometimes you don't have to stress.
Sometimes you don't have a break.
Sometimes, life is life.

Next Semester's Schedule

These are the classes I am going to try to get next semester!!! It took a while to find which Spanish Class I could take in order to take all the other classes that only had one time option! BUT HOPEFULLY this all will work out!

ESS 1103 - 01 BASIC CANOEING ($50 fee) Beelby Frederick L T   0500PM - 0550PM WC-11

MUS 1195 - 01 MUSIC THEATRE/OPERA WORKSHOP Church Celeste T R 0200PM - 0320PM DMC-503

MAT 3321 - 01 MATH FOR ELEMENTARY TEACHERS II Grooms Wendy T R 1100AM - 1220PM W-105/112

Lab ($25 fee) W 0200PM - 0320PM W-105/112

PSY 1311 - 01 INTRODUCTION TO PSYCHOLOGY Bean Athena H M W F 0900AM - 0950AM N-12

MUS 2177 - 01 CLASS GUITAR (BEGINNING) Beaumont Lance M W 0100PM - 0150PM DMC-301

SPA 1411 - 01 COLLEGE SPANISH I Hawkins Carla J M W F 0800AM - 0850AM TAC-208/201

Lab ($35 fee) T R 0830AM - 0920AM TAC-208/201

Ranty McRant Rant

So I have a headache and I figured because I don't want to go into any full ideas that are floating through my mind I might as well just rant a little. After all,  a little bit of ranting is good sometimes.

1. I have had a headache every day since Thursday.  (Ouch)
2. I have a wickedly painful sunburn
3. I just hate the washing machines in Veda, they are evil.
4. I have really cool thoughts, and then I forget them
5. Friday is stuck in my head.
6. I really want it to be summer already.
7. I don't know why I get headaches a bunches

Now to make up for the 7, rants.

1. I got to spend time with Jessica Ferrell-Raborn and Shelby and Whitney
2. I got FIDO on DVD (Heck yes)
3. I got started on my roommate's photo board!
4. I won at an auction!  (heehee)
5. I got to see Sigma Theta Phi's spring sing show
6. I have my advisement set up for next semester
7. I love my familia.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

I just finished reading the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and wow. Just wow. You know a book is good when it brings emotions out of the reader before and after reading the book and that is exactly what this book did. It made you think, and look at how you live life!

When you just pick up a book you don't expect getting anything out of reading it but mere entertainment value, but for me it addressed far more than that. I am not going to lie, tears were brought to my eyes more than once, and I just wanted to tell people why but I knew that it wouldn't matter because the reasonings behind it were merely a book. 

This book is definitely a must read for all, especially those in high school and up. Because it addresses real emotions and real life and it tugs at the readers heart strings, and bring them into the scene and feel the characters mixed emotions and problems. 

This is probably a very terrible book review but the truth of the matter is The Perks Of Being a Wallflower is an amazing book and a must read! 

Katie Belle and the not so night life!

At this very moment my brothers are in Austin on 6th street living it up in the SXSW world. At the very same moment that they are living it up where am I? In the hotel room. Now, I understand that I made the decision to stay here while they hit up the concert scene but the decision I did not make was for the headache to arise. Now don't get me wrong, the headache wasn't the only contributing factor to me remaining in the hotel room but it was the biggest one. Another reason happened to be that my feet were not a happy camper and having only brought a pair of converse and flip flops, I realized me feet would not appreciate me running around Austin hopping from music venue to music venue. Then one of the reason that will be a no-brainer to those like my brothers who are staying out as late as their bands, I am not a night owl. I never really have been, and it's really difficult to attempt staying up real late and not getting tired.

However, I must admit, rather inform those reading this, that this trip was far from a bust for me! For one thing, I got to go to the wonderful world of South Congress Avenue, the area of Austin I love the most without a doubt. Though it felt like a billion hour march to get to the area I love the most, it was definitely worth it plus, I am pretty sure my brothers appreciated it! One of the stores that I love the most down there is called Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds, a costume shop that in my opinion has some of the best accessories in the world. Including the wonderful hippster-esque wallet and earrings that I picked up today!  I am loving being down here, I just am not a fan of night time adventures, because the day is where my adventures lie, and that happens to be the time when I am ready to go on adventures.

short....

I am unsure of the adveture that lies ahead of me this weekend. Woke up feeling not so awesome and just have been feeling a bit tired all day! However I am going to be optimistic that tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and ready to take Austin by storm!

Come Together Right Now

One thing that has come to my attention a lot of times throughout my life is that I have different sets of friends. I am not saying that it is terrible to have a wide variety of people you hang out with but, when you kind of bring all the friends or a variety of the friends together, it can be super fun! Which makes me ask, why do I so often times separate my friends as if I can control if people like each other or not.

I wonder if I am the only person that does this, the whole separation of friends thing. I mean it's highly possible that most sane people integrate their friends so that they can get to know one another and so that on the rare occasions such as birthdays and whatnot there isn't such an awkward air in the room. Because if you think about it, there are reasons why we tend to like certain people so more than likely they have reasons that they like to hang with you as well, and if you think about it there should be no reason for them to have nothing in common.

And now, my eyes are getting droopy, and I have kind of lost my words and so I leave you with this startling truth, I failed my mini-goal this week on Tuesday, when I woke up freezing and tired.
oops

Never Say Never

So I must admit I have some pretty radical people in my life. And some of those pretty rad, people have influenced a bit of my musical tastes throughout the year. For starters, I have to admit, I never would have listened intently to Fall Out Boy, if it were not for Whitney Turnacliff, and there is no doubt in the world I would even think about listening to LFO, and Justin Bieber if it were not for Amber Corley.

Part of me laughs, when I realize, as I am jamming out to "Never Say Never" for the umpteenth time that I had admitted at one time that I would never like Bieber, oh the irony! It's funny how being around different people can make tastes change. Now, I will admit sometimes the changes aren't necessarily for the better like when Julia Roberts character met that one lady in Pretty Woman, and then became a prostitute. (Wow that is not a good point) HOWEVER, sometimes people can just tweak your tastes and make you a melting pot of others opinions and with their likes, you can become a person that you wanna be.

Everyone rubs off on somebody, whether it be musical tastes, fashion tastes, brilliance, creativity, or whatever. People look to others for ideas and opinions and even guidance. When painting a bowl in someone else's art class people joked about stealing ideas for their work of art, but the truth is, society wouldn't be where it was without people sharing ideas, and other people growing off of them.

Cards!

I have discovered something fun! Out of boredom/inspiration I began to decide to make a specific individual a card and looking at my desk I see none other than a deck of cards. Needless to say I grabbed the cards that I never use, the joker, and paint it and make it pretty! It's not that hard, but a lot of fun, the only downfall is that it takes a while to dry, so it takes a longer time to actually paint the other side.

Sometimes, I just have to use my hands and make something, whether painting, making a picture board, or nailing together my bookshelf! I have always enjoyed feeling useful, and committed to something and when I start little projects then I feel happy and useful!

Chivalry the Unicorn

For a long time in our society people have uttered the phrase "Chivalry is dead" and sadly my generation often times accepts that, men and women think yep that's true. However people are often to hasty with their ideology to realize that sometimes, things aren't dead, they are just hiding. To me, chivalry is like a unicorn. If you truly believe in it you will be able to find it, and often times show it.

But something about chivalry and unicorns is sometimes they don't appear the way that you typically think that they should appear. Some days, unicorns just happen to look like horses with a birthday hat on, and chivalry comes when someone, anyone just holds the door open a tad bit longer than usual so you don't have to freak out about opening it when you have a billion things in your arms. Sometimes chivalry appears in the way of humility and truthfulness, while a unicorn appears as an anorexic rhino.

The truth of the matter is, whenever chivalry does occur, it's something to smile at. Whether some nice guy takes you out and pays the check, or some friend making sure that you are okay. Chivalry is a unicorn only  it exists and can be found without having to squint and force horses to dress up in silly costumes, or force Rhino's to become bulimic.

Are you afraid of the dark?

Yes, yes I am afraid of the dark. I honestly don't know how long I have been but anytime that I am in the dark outside especially I get terrified. There is something that is apart of me that just doesn't like the unknown and a big part of that comes out to play when I am having to go outside in the dark, or sometimes even worse drive in the dark.

The last time that I drove to HPU there was without a doubt an underlying terror in my entirety. Somehow I am just realizing that the terror aside from getting lost and my gps being a liar, stems from my eternal fear of the dark. The drive this time back to school was one with far less panic attacks and a more chillaxed enviornment all because of the light density outside of my window.

A big reason of why the dark is terrifying to me and a lot of other people is, you never really know what is surrounding you. The dark is less terrifying in your personal bedroom than it is at an acquaintances front lawn at 9 in the evening, because of the unfamiliarity. The darkness has an affect on me that is like no other in that idea. That if I am unfamiliar with the area just a tiny amount then the area will still have a uneasy feel and not just because I don't know the place, but because somehow in the dark anything is possible.

The fear of darkness can also be taken in the sense of being afraid of the unknown period. And I face that fear quite a bit. When I am having to realize that I truly don't know what is to come of me in the end of May when school lets out, I get a little spooked. When I just think about the future as in when I graduate the fear gets instilled even further, because I have no clue if I will even be a marketable employee in 2014! Who knows if educators will be needed more or even less than they are now? I surely don't! However with fear of the darkness comes the recognition that with darkness there is light. Even though I don't know what exactly God has in store for me, I know that he does have something in store. That I shouldn't be freaking about the unknown so much that I forget what I do know. That

I am afraid of the dark. The truth is though, I know the light and often times am to ignorant to realize that as long as I look to the light I have nothing to fear.

Minor Goal of the week

I am starting a minor project this week. And I am a little hesitant about starting. It has come to my attention like no other today, that I dress like a bum, a lot. Therefore I am going to start getting around earlier in the day to not look so bummish for awhile. Just for your information, I am not meaning I have been looking like a stylish bum like Ke$ha, first off I shower and second off, I just can't pull of grungy. 

It's just a minor project, however I am going to try to do it! I am kinda hoping that I am successful in this mission, and that it can continue on. HOWEVER, I am not promising anything. 

The End

For me spring break is nearing to an end and I have not yet decided if that excites me or bums me out. A big part of me wants to stay home and just remain in crash mode. After all, somehow everyone that I know is starting their break now. However a part of me does desire to go back and see my friends and finish out the rest of the semester strong! Not going to lie though I am not truly looking forward to the summer, but that is just because I am truly clueless about what is going to happen. But as for right at this very moment I am content with the day. After all, tomorrow is just filled with uncertainties.

Gravity

The song gravity has been stuck in my head all day today, and it remains there on purpose. Because it seems like no matter how far I’ve come, you still enter my mind. And I know that a big part of you entering my mind is my fault. I know that. But I still can’t help it especially when I have dreams that you are still here, when I just look at how we were for a while, when I just think of where other couples are and where we could have been.

I know I already blogged for the day, but I just need to get this off my chest. Every time I think that I have a chance of "finding a guy", I feel bad. Every single time that I think I have gotten “over you” I find myself seeing your name pop up on facebook. And I can’t find it in myself to just delete you, you are still in my phone even. I have deleted phone conversations but I cannot find it in me to delete anything else. Though I may not know what love truly is, I know that I cared a lot for you, and as I have been told numerous times, you cared a lot for me.

I miss you. I truly fully do. It just seems that every time that I come back to town, somehow someone reminds me of you. And it makes me think of all the good and all the bad and that you aren’t here. It’s so hard to remember that sometimes, the fact that you aren’t here. I think that sometimes my mind just thinks you have gone away for a while but then reality hits in every so often and it stings like a knife.

I know that I wasn’t the person I should’ve been the entire time I knew you. And I apologize for that. I should’ve been there for you more than I was. I admit I was afraid, every time I got a phone call, my heart hit the pit of my stomach thinking that something was wrong. Whether you were calling or your mom (even if she was calling on accident), I started to think that every call was going to just bring more bad news.  I know that I could’ve been so much more than what I was. And I am sorry for that, I was just afraid of possibilities.

I miss you, and I know I won’t forget you, because somehow my mind always wanders back to you.

*Cough Cough*

I just don't feel good right now and I don't know why it came on to me like it did. I am not going to lie, I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac, but I know for sure right now I am actually not feeling good. Which brings me up to one of the most daunting questions that comes up with me.

"Does it make me a hypochondriac if I think I am a hypochondriac?"

Now to be perfectly clear I don't think I am a hypochondriac all the time however when I show the slightest hint of sickness, disease, allergies, pain, whatever, my mind goes into freak out mode that I am going to have some rare disease that only Dr. House can cure, after several tries of course.  I don't know why I am this way, I know that when I was in junior high and high school that every once in a while I would try to appear sick only to end up truly feeling sick and getting to miss school anyways. Why I did this? I truly have no clue, it was always a theory about getting my homework done, or something noble. The only downfall with this plan however was I would feel sick for half of the morning and not want to do anything but lie in the living room with the lights off. So long, fool proof plan.

I don't know if I am a hypochondriac in truth however, what I do know is that I have hypochondriac tendencies when I am just a tad bit feverish, or what have you.

Nopes, not a real awesome one

For today's blog, I have no clue what I am writing about so I have a feeling that it will be more of a ramble than an actual blog. So if you are a regular reader, then I advise to probably disregard this blog because I honestly have no clue what I will be typing. Because for some reason, I usually can't write as well at home than when I am at school. I think part of it is that I am afraid to type some of my thoughts and opinions because people will be more able to react to them if they are about something happening in Princeton, or at home or whatever. 

I was half way tempted to just steal a topic off for today's blog from the internet (1-12 grade topics), however I digressed. I almost wrote about what was on my mind for half the morning, but then I decided not to because of reasons above. Then I actually thought about asking for topic ideas BUT, people don't give them so that would be useless. 

Therefore: This is the blog of the day. Like it, Hate it, it's here. 

So....

I have decided that this blog, would have a title with a letter that I somehow have not used yet for this blog. (or that my laptop recognizes as being used) The letter "S" somehow won. So, "So...." became the title. I titled this blog as I did because I figured if I merely title this "So..." it won't be the first thing that pops up on the paragraph.

Today I learned something very important. That sometimes you should quit while you are ahead and sometimes, it's not about how much you win or lose but how you play the game. Both very important to know and realize! I didn't lose a billion dollars today but actually made a small profit. Most importantly however, I got to spend time with a friend that I don't spend enough time with. Me sucking at friendships? WHAT?!?! Just kidding, I know I am bad with people and keeping friendships where they oughta be. Today though, I don't think I failed miserably, except maybe when I allowed Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, Ke$ha and Brittany Spears play on the stereo. Today was good, sometimes you just need time with friends that are amazing, and that was just what today was.

Adventure Time!

I am not that big of an adventurous person too much of the time. I really enjoy spending time at home, in my room, not with a lot of people. But every so often and adventure must take place. Every so often I have to leave the confinement of my room and do something crazy! So tomorrow, I go on an adventure with a wonderful buddy of mine! 

Now, I am excited for what I am going to do tomorrow, and I have been wanting to do it for a while. I am going to Choctaw! To me it's one of those things that I feel like I got to do to, for the fun of it. For some reason the idea of gambling at least once in my lifetime has always appealed to me. Mainly the idea of putting a penny into a machine and watching various fruits, animals, colors, shapes just spinning around and around and around until they finally come to a stop and hopefully line up. And sense the last two times I have been invited or allowed to go, I wasn't able to in the end because the first time I wasn't 18 yet, and the second gambling was illegal on the island, unlike what we had originally thought. 

So I am excited for tomorrow's adventure, and am hoping that I have a blast and that I don't lose too much and am crossing my fingers to actually when a few cents!

Imaginary Jesus

This blog is more than likely going to appear more like a book review than anything else, because I am truly enjoying a book right now. 

I began reading this book the other day called, "Imaginary Jesus" by Matt Mikalatos, and I must admit I am really liking this book. It starts out with the main character in a vegan cafe just chilling with Jesus when a man walks in and starts talking with him asking about his Jesus. Come to find out, the guy chatting with him punches the Jesus in the face and let's Matt know, that his Jesus is not THE Jesus but an imaginary one. The book, though I am not finished, goes on to Matt trying to figure out who the real Jesus is. And I am not going to lie, just in the first few chapters the readers eyes opening up to questions about their own spiritual life.

One of the first questions that popped up for me was "How do you view Jesus?"  In the book, there are several imaginary Jesus' that arrive into the scene. One of my favorites being the "magic 8 ball Jesus", the Jesus that acts just like a magic 8 ball to anything and everything.

Now, I must admit I am not done with the book yet, however so far it has been really good. Something that popped out at me was also how sometimes we as Christians, don't associate with certain people at all because of their past or even present. The book demonstrates it with a prostitute, and how Matt and imaginary Jesus had wanted nothing to do with them. The truth of the matter though, is that as the church on Stephen F. Austin had on it's message board one day, "Jesus loves Prostitutes". It's a realization in the book, that we as people mostly forget, that Jesus died for all people not just people with 4.0 GPAs, clean criminal record, and have memorized all the books in the bible. Jesus died for and love all people but we too much of the time forget it.

If you happen to be bored or just have some spare time, I recommend reading this book. I know it might sound odd that I am recommending it pre-finishing however, so far it is really good.

If for some reason, when I finish the book, it is absolutely terrible I will make sure to post a new blog saying never trust my mid-reading book reviews ever again. 

Question

One of my very first posts was about relationships and how I actually truly suck at most relationships that I have, whether personal, friends, family, or even random people on the street. And I think I know why that is, I never know what my responses should be when random things arise. Whether actions are good, bad or indifferent for some reason, I can never figure out what the right words to say, right actions to do, right anything to do for that matter. 

So I am not the best and I know that, so here I ask, and beg the question. How do people know the answers to responding to actions and all that jazz? If you know you should totally inform me!

Home.

I have come to the conclusion that I love coming home as much as I love coming back to the dorms. There are positives and negatives about both, but depending on the amount of time I spend in one location depends on how many negatives are on the list. But as for now I am home for spring beak and I can proudly admit a few positives right now. 

1) I love my bed, I am laying on it to type this blog. My bed is one of the most comfortable pieces of furniture in the world, or at least I am convinced! I love coming home to a super comfy bed as opposed to the not so comfy one at the dorms (which I was very close to falling off of one night)

2)  My room, emphasis on the my. I have an issue with sharing occasionally, and I have had my own room for a very long time. So when I get to leave our dorm room, and come to my room. It just gives me that sense of privacy that I rarely get. 

3) I like seeing people's faces too. When I come home and see people I haven't seen in a while it always just makes me excited, especially when it is someone I am uber close with. 

4) Mi Familia. Definitely. I love my family and whenever I get to see my mom and dad when I walk in the door it just makes me happy and feel a sense of safety and comfort. I also like to see William too don't get me wrong, however it's always cool and wonderful to see the people that are funding my very existence. 

5) Drinks! Not gonna lie, one of the best things about coming back to Princeton is the occasional starbucks and Taco D sweet Tea. Not even gonna lie, there are no replacements for those back in Brownwood. 

And that is why I am glad to be home for spring break, that and it's spring break and there is no homework or  tests or stress! 

Happy living,
Katie Carl!

Picture Perfect

So for a while at the beginning of the year something very vain was getting the best of me. It was bothering me to no prevail that I had no pictures that both of us were in. And I don't know how many times the thought ran in my mind that the reason for their being no pictures of us was because I didn't capture pictures of every little moment that we had together. For some reason, just that fact alone would hurt so much that I had no way of seeing who we were together. The truth is however, I never needed a picture. Today I randomly found one. I was so excited for a few minutes but then the rest of the emotions began flooding the picture.

I guess it was for the best that we never were big into pictures, because seeing that one random picture that I never knew was taken almost tore me to pieces. It was that realization of us, it was in the beginning of us. It was hard to see, but almost refreshing to know that I don't have the possibiltiy to feeling that saddness as much as it could've been if every time I looked for a new profile pic, your face would be staring back at me.

I miss you, there is no doubt about that. But I am grateful of what we had and didn't have. I am grateful that I was just able to know and talk with you. Times have gotten easier for me and I don't want that to sound terrible like I'm moving on because you will always be a reason for me being the way I am. You will always be apart of me, in my cares, in my reasonings, and even in the football teams I root for. Truth is, I have missed you. Truth is, I know it takes time to heal and that sometimes healing is never 100%. But the biggest truth of all is I know that I have experienced a lot of healing. And I saved the picture.

Today, the day of today.

So today was pretty snazzy, felt like I aced my History Test and my professor told me he was glad I was in his class. I got to read a little bit in life science, and I am really liking the book I got, "invisible Jesus" it's really good so far. Then I went to figure out why my phone hates me, however I was told at the store to call the warranty people. *sigh* The person on the phone was useless, because believe it or not I have to be able to use two phones in order to get mine fixed. LAME! However, after that I became very creative and began making a headboard thing and it looks pretty snazzy! YAY FOR LEFTOVER CRAFT SUPPLIES!!!! Then I got to spend time at Dr. Lehrer's and had fun! Now I am pretty sure I am fixing to hard core crash, because for some reason I am tired! And I almost forgot I began the cleaning process on what is my side of the room!

Hello March!

Yet again, I have reached a new month! And I am more than ecstatic, I have come close sometimes to my resolution dying, but not due to apathy but do to OMG I haven't written my blog yet and it's 11:45! Though I have had some really crummy blogs, I am still writing, and sometimes just writing is all that matters.

Writing is something that I got into when I was younger, why? I have no clue. However, I have tried to save every scrap of paper that I thought I wrote something remarkable, even if it happened to be a really lame piece of poetry, or an essay in the third grade. I am not going to lie, I have gotten extremely distracted due to things I have written in the past. Whenever I would start cleaning my room, I might find a paper on the ground and go to put it in the suitcase that contains a lot of my writings, and BAM I am reading a story that I wrote on a flight to NYC for David's birthday.

Writing is also very therapeutic for me, several times in life when I would be fighting with a friend or something would happen that would make me not so happy or extremely ticked off and once again my pen would hit the paper and emotions would start flying and I would calm down.

Now that I let you in on why I write, I must admit a little secret, sometimes if I am upset about something I don't post it in a blog. And the reason for that... I am smarter than that to realize that what I say on the internet will be on the internet forever. Therefore, I am not going to be a fool and post things that may be regrettable in  few years, months weeks, days or even hours. Posting extreme feelings like that on the internet can be dangerous, because unlike my diary where I would write a boys name down with a heart, then the next week scratch that name out and replace it with a better cuter guy, I can't really just take a sharpee and take back what I posted. Because people still have the ability to read it. Crazy, I know.

However that is why I do what I do.

Chillaxing!

Oh the magic of the day, how things change and rearrange. I am thrilled for tonight! I am going to hang out with one of my wonderful buddies, and get in some wonderful and much needed time! As for this morning, I was extremely disgusted. why we needed to dissect rats today I have no clue. It was guh-ross! However, as soon as I was out of class it was a tad bit better.

I really don't know what else I need or want to add to this blog, but I know that I want to get it done soon so I can spend some fun time with Ms. Amber Corley tonight without freaking over a blog.

Almost A Breakdown

This weekend I went home, kind of. And I can honestly say, I really didn't want to leave partially because I really wasn't home for very long, and partially because my bed back home is really comfortable, and I don't want to admit it, but I've been a little homesick. Now, that's not the reason for the title all together, because I know I will go home very soon. 

The breakdown almost happened while I was driving back to HPU. First and foremost, I was leaving a little later than I usually do so the metroplex was a little dark. Then to make it a little bit worse, my GPS told me to go directions I hadn't usually gone before and sent me on a toll road, and that freaked me out because I had no coins in the front of my car. (luckily it was the electronic toll so I didn't have to pay, THANKS PARENTS!) So I was freaking out so when I saw a sign that said free exit, I took it even though I technically wasn't supposed to leave the turnpike yet. Then to make it even better, I was in the far left lane and needed to get in the right lane to get on to I30, an 18 wheeler had to get right beside me so I couldn't make it to the exit I needed. Then I had to drive around some a creepy looking area of Fort Worth to try and get on I30 and I was very close to the breakdown. A portion of me was thinking, "Just turn back, it's only going to get darker on the roads, and freak you out even more" then the other part of me was thinking, "if you go back then you just wasted quite a bit of gas, and then you have to wake up even earlier to get to your 8am class". Needless to say I continued driving, and did not turn back home. 

I wish I could say that was the end of my adventurous drive but it wasn't, however I didn't almost breakdown and cry again. I did however, pass by about a billion emt firetruck suburban type things in Weatherford, have my mind wandering to where I was going to somehow get pulled over and get a giant ticket (even though people were passing me), and then what freaked me out most of all: I ran over roadkill! I am grateful that it was already roadkill, however it freaked me out, because I was looking at the car to my right that was turning and needed to get new lights (The back blinker was spazzing out) and all of a sudden I see the lump of dead animal in my lane. 

Anyways, I almost had a minor breakdown, however I am good. I am back in my dorm safe and sound, and have to disect Roscoe the Rat tomorrow.... (not looking forward to that at all)