Something snapped in my brain this week at church on Sunday, when the pastor spoke on forgiveness. I thought I had forgiven God, but as I am finding out, I have been holding onto bitterness for months. This week I decided to let it go. I'm tired of missing me. Missing my passion for everything. Missing my joy in the Lord and even missing the love I have for those in my life. Through letting go, I'm trying to get my physical and spiritual health back in shape. I began a workout I started in July and never touched again and pulled out a devotional that had been taking space in a box in my room. And man, when you ask God to move, he moves. Now its only been 2 days but man. God speaks loud. The devotional I've been diving back into the past couple days is just a short few chapters on Ruth, where God reminded me, my heart has been like Naomi. I had changed my self to be bitter and upset with God, knowing full and well that he ALWAYS knows best, ALWAYS.
But more importantly, he showed me the truest beauty that almost overwhelms me at times. He showed me and reminded me how His plans are always perfect for His Glory. He gave me my own Boaz, He gave me a protector who would care for my heart and mind even during this season of life where sometimes my mind is just plain evil. He put Elton in my life, to help me back up when I was sinking into the pits. He allowed Elton to remind me that I am loved when I feel most unlovable or even when I am acting like I am unlovable. I haven't been a wife for long, 3 months as of last Sunday, the Sunday where God showed up big, but I am so blessed that God allowed me the blessing of being Elton Trujillo's wife. I am forever grateful that 5 months after I decided I was going to marry this man, that Elton decided to let me know he liked me.
I'm so beyond words in how great and amazing my God is and how relieved that even though I fall short so often he still gave me the man beyond my dreams and more.
