Crap in a box!

I didn’t know it was possible to feel like crap emotionally and mentally but I guess it is and I guess that makes sense. All I know is that this morning I just wanted to crawl back in bed and put my face to the pillow and cry. I know that I am just being whiney but it’s still the truth and I for some reason am typing it out. I am proud to say though that I went to class and acted like usual, as much as possible even though the whole time I just wanted to crawl back into bed. And I know that it makes no sense to act this way. But for some reason I think I just have to act strong even though I feel like emotional crap.

Have you ever felt like the bad guy in your own life? Like think about it if you look at your life as a story that you would broadcast to the world for some reason, what character would you be? For me, right now I feel like I am the bad guy in my story because of things that I have done or not done and they just happen to be things that I can’t fix at all! Why do choices I decided to make have to come back and haunt me in this manner? I just can’t stand it!

Now I know this will not be a blog that people are fast to praise especially because a lot of it is in fact me being whiney and complaining and what not however I just felt like I needed to get it out in the “Open” because writing is my way of venting and if you happen to not like some of my venting process, “OOPS!” however, you managed to land on my blog.

Now it’s time to admit that my day has gotten a little bit brighter, thanks to some funny people however I still think that this blog is still applicable because those feelings still arise. Even when I don't want them too.  (I know she won't read this but that is the word of the day for Sarah Turner and I)

Just a list of what I feel like saying

Ok, so I decided to write a few things that I won't mind sharing. So this blog is a list blog... WHOOT

1) I start a lot of my blogs with the words so.  I know it's not really that new to people who often read my blogs however it's something I often have issues with. To me blogging is a way to just spill out what's on my mind or merely just something random.

2)I really don't like it when people start to talk about something that they have "observed" from my life and try and analyze it. Then don't finish what the analysis  was. Especially if I think you are going a specific direction that is so far from the truth that you don't even know. So if you decide to access my life, please tell me it all, and then let me explain myself so that you don't further confuse yourself into a billion lies. Thanks!

3) I brought my mom's guitar to campus this time. And I am really hoping that I become a bigger pro than I already am, meaning I hope that I can play more than just "Ode to Joy"!

4) I am secretly super proud of my brother right now. Not only can he drive legally now, BUT I heard a recording of his band and I didn't realize it was him because it was that awesome sounding! And I know he probably won't read this but it's okay because I am still proud of him. But he doesn't have to know.

5) My room is still freezing cold in the dorms. But I really really want it to snow on Tuesday! I know it makes little sense that I want inside and outside to be freezing BUT I love snow!

6) And finally I am really terrible at giving these things titles! And I wouldn't be surprised if I eventually copied a title.

THE END

One of those realizations

It is about time to celebrate! Celebrate the lives that were put in our lives and those lives that touched us so much. It's a time to rejoice for the remarkable works that you did for the glory of God. It's time to sing praises for the great times God let us have together and in the company of others.

It's time to look at what I am and have been forgetting to do. Live selflessly and differently. It's time to realize that life doesn't just happen in the close niche of people I hang out with but on campus and off. God called us to go, to be his hands and feet. But honestly speaking, how many people are willing and honestly can admit to being God's hands and feet 24/7? I know I haven't and for that I must confess, "My bad." I should've realized it long ago. But now it's becoming devastatingly clear that to live for Christ you have to give him your all. 100% and 24/7.

Guess who's back! (for now)

The ride back into Princeton was nothing short of ordinary. The ride was long, the traffic was trafficy, the music was pumping, and I was singing at the top of my lungs on and off hoping cars around me didn't mind.  But while the arrival into town was nothing short of ordinary, my mind was clear on the arrival into town,
something I was not expecting. Needless to say I am looking forward not back and I am ready for what ever comes my way.

This is a short but sweet blog. But you know what, I am okay with it!

What We Have

Everyone has a story. Everyone has a voice. Everyone has a secret. Everyone has a desire. Everyone has feelings. Everyone has a good side. Everyone is a little bit evil. Everyone has something that they can't dare admit out loud. Everyone has cried. Everyone has laughed. Everyone has experienced a version of love. 

What we have here is the realization that everyone has one main thing in common, people are people. Yet, sometimes we forget that, well a lot of times we do. We think that just because they are the people we hide things from or look on with disdain that they don't experience what we do. 

We forget. We forget that people are people. We forget  that people have feelings. We forget that people have stories. We forget that people have a voice. We forget that people have cried. We forget that people have secrets. We forget about people. 

The Magic of Emotions

So in the matter of 24 hours I have experienced a wide variety of emotions. I cried, was angry, laughed... a lot, smiled, felt concerned, worried, felt scared, and without a doubt felt bored and tired. However it came to my attention that emotions are like a viral disease, they spread like wild fires and like wild fires sometimes they are good and sometimes they wreak havoc on every living creature in sight.

The first emotional thing mentioned happened to be crying. Now the thing about crying is sometimes it's good and sometimes well sometimes its sad and angry and not happy. Crying is a necessary evil, it makes your eyes puffy and blotchy, it makes your breathing sound awkward (mainly if you are sobbing) and it makes your nose all sniffly. HOWEVER, the importance of crying is it's like a type of cleansing that can happen. It's away to just empty you of emotions or finally bury the hatchet between fighting friends. Crying is there.

Now the third thing that I had to mention was laughter. Now I must admit laughing is an awesome thing. Like an extremely awesome thing. It breaks down tension, it calms you down, it makes you smile and forces you to recognize that there is happiness in this world. Even during three hour waits at a clinic. UGH!!!! And I must say, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok, now the truth is laughter is without a doubt contagious and sometimes it seems to rage on for several minutes even if the cause is a simple knock knock joke.

Emotions do crazy things to people, and today I think I have seen a whole lot of them! And the beauty of it all, is that emotions whether happy, sad, funny, stressed, makes a day a day, and a person a person.

And so now I urge you, to have a magical happy and fantastic day today and tomorrow and year.

Bloggers Block.

So I am not going to lie, earlier today, I thought I had a fantastic blog idea. However as the day progressed, I found myself realizing that I honestly don't remember what my fantastic blog idea was. I am sad to admit that, because the topic was fantastic and in my mind worthy to be posted. However then I realized I don't remember what I wanted to post. So I guess this blog is just that, another not so awesome blog. Eh.

I think part of the reason bloggers block is setting in is because my mind is partially overwhelmed with junk whether school, people or events my mind is almost on shut off. Which less than two weeks into school is not a good thing... at all. So I am crossing my fingers that my mind will get into gear because I really wouldn't mind being able to function normally in society at least just for a little while.

OOH just to inform you of something awesome... like I feel mandatory to do after such a lame blog.

So I absolutely adore this band, they are pretty awesome and here is just one of their songs. I highly advise to listen to them because they are fantastic and all that jazz. And even more importantly I urge you to go to itunes and buy the CD! You will not regret it!

Sincerely, Me!

Mini Goals

So I must admit I am writing this blog while I am watching one of my favorite shows of the moment, "How I Met Your Mother". You heard it right folks, at this moment I am trying to do something crazy I am trying to watch a whole lot of this show so I can feel adequately caught up. So yeah this blog might not be pertained to a lot right now, but in order to keep up with this resolution of mine, I must admit this is a really pathetic blog. But I must also admit not all of them are, so eventually you will find a diamond in this rough. And I really like this show, and in order to get store credit at the wonderful world of Hastings, before the clock strikes midnight and I miss curfew. I guess I really shouldn't have attempted to watch two discs of this season in one day and turn back in the discs for store credit. HOWEVER I think I may reach this miniature goal as I am nearing the end of this pretty funny episode.

Funny the way it all works

So the moral of the story is. God is amazingly well, amazing! It's the wonderful thing called actually relying on God and listening to him and what not. So I am not going to lie last night was not the happiest and most cheerful night of my life (hence the previous blog). But even through everything, God knows what he's doing and will continue to know what he is doing. God is, was and is to come.

So, this morning was without a doubt a God thing and not just because I was at church either, but because God was there. And throughout the whole sermon, worship, and everything, God just spoke and reassured me that everything is going to be alright. That there may be tough moments but in the end it's not about that, it's about living for HIM. LIVING FOR HIM. Sure sounds easy but it's so hard, because so much of the time we are so focused on ourselves which we shouldn't because we miss out on what God is really wanting from us that way.

It's all about living a life worth living, not living for ourselves but for others, for God. Too much of the time we treat God like a genie and don't recognize that he isn't that but a god, THE GOD. Who was, and is and, is to come! God is great and remarkable. And no matter what happens that's important to realize, and it's important to be grateful for what we have and give gratitude to where it's due. God is great, even and especially when we are not even a mere okay.

This song doesn't really deal with the blog 100% however it has been running through my mind.

And just like that.

I thought I was strong, only to see that I am still so weak. Merely seeing a simple book that you gave me floods back all the memories. It's just hard, it's hard to be back in this dorm room where from a distance we had so many conversations whether by phone or by facebook. It's hard to see places on campus where I would sit and just talk to you and hear the good news, the bad news or just your voice. Oh how I miss those days, the days that I would dream that everything would be okay, that everything bad would just go away. But of course that was just me and my imagination trying to stay strong and positive. I miss you a lot. I didn't think that the memories would be flooding back that all the emotions that I have been holding back would wash up with so much pain. I thought that the tears were gone, I thought that I became stronger. I thought but I was wrong.

The Things I Say No To

So without a doubt there are things in this world that cause my skin to shiver a little and force all my muscles to cringe in my entire body. One of those things happens to be playing hide and go seek in WALMART. Something that I have to admit I have done once but terrified me when my cover was almost blown when someone for some reason wanted to buy a jacket. Needless to say, never ever again.

There also is something else I will without a doubt say no to, and that ultimately happens to be staying up 24 hours. UGGHHHH, terrifying thought to my mind no lie. I cannot handle staying up that late without getting grumpy, so I am pretty sure if I stay up for more than 24 hours, World War 3 could ensue.

A serious thing that I would say no to, would have to be drugs. It doesn't do the body any good, and if you become seriously addicted you can turn out to look like a monster. Drugs are bad. Listen to Whitney Houston, and realize that "Crack is Whack!"

Titles

So I've come across to the realization here and then that I received a new title to my name last August, ADULT. And I am not going to lie it's a kind of terrifying title. Especially this new in the "ADULT" title, it just seems like I don't belong. Which makes me wonder, "Why do we like to title things into categories, and all that jazz?" 

I think a big reason as to why we give things titles is to make us feel better in a way. Like we have the title of
"Popular", but with that title comes the subtitle of "stuck up, full of self, rude".  Whatever the category or title is, we seem to deem it with something bad as well to make ourselves feel better. That is unless when we begin to categorize when we are in a period of self loathing, and then every category doesn't have any negative attribute but extra positive attributes. 

The downfall of these titles though is we begin to give titles and forget the true identity of people. We have all been told to not judge a book by its cover, yet with people we fail to remember that. The books story is far more important than the title, and so is the persons life more important than the title we give them. 

What Makes Me Smile

Every once in a while, I come across something that just forces me to smile against my will. I was playing the magical game of facebook, while writing a previous blog for today (needless to say it got erased) I came across a picture of a baby, but not any baby. It was a picture of a former teacher's child, who tried so hard and wanted a baby so bad, and was finally blessed with one last August. It makes me so excited every time I see an update about her child, because it's just a reminder on how amazing God is!

On the topic of how amazing God is, I am reminded of a lot of things that God puts in my life, like people, place and things. And just for a sweet, short and to the point blog. I am grateful and happy that I am at Howard Payne University, because there are just so many reasons to count. I love my friends and acquaintances on campus, I absolutely adore Brownwood even though there isn't a whole lot here it's beautiful, and as for things I am not going to lie: I love the little things about the campus that make it awesome, I like the classes, the buildings, the squirrels, the acorns, the fact that you can just lay down on Center street in front of Veda. I love it and it makes me smile.

So that is just a few things that make me smile, but truthfully, lately there has been plenty of smile on my face. And it's my "very most favorite" thing in the world.

El- Oh- Vee- Eee!

As I sit in my dorm room right now I am staring down at my freshly decorated dresser and must admit I am LOVING my new philosophy of the year. I have spoken about how everyone is beautiful and how people are wonderful and all that jazz but I can't help but reiterate what I think my philosophy is for the year and it is to live to love, to live and love, to live for love, to live out love. 

Live out love! How easy does that sound, yet how hard is it when it comes down to it? We are told to love one another, and we have the greatest example in front of us, yet we can't even look to our fellow man and love .

I want to love this year, like I have never loved before. I don't know how exactly it's going to happen but I know that love will be shown, or at least I'll try my darnedest, hee hee, darnedest. Such a funny word, but, such a true statement. So anyone and everyone reading this, "I love you so much! But more importantly, the demonstrator of Love, loves you more than you can imagine!" 

John 3:16 

Three

So I have decided that there is just something about the number three. Like there is the comedy rule of three that where you doing something funny three times exactly and it's hilarious, (2 won't work and any more than three, forget about it). But there is just something crazy about the number of three. Just think about it, even in the bible three was huge! But the scene with three that sticks out in my mind the most has got to be the scene when Peter denies Christ three times and then later, Jesus asks Peter three times, " Do you love me?" followed by, "then take care of my sheep".

Why is it that when something is done or said three times it seems to leave a bigger impression on you? Why is it that the first time that something is done or said that it doesn't mean as much? Why is it the number 3?

As the number itself goes, I really like it. It's a fun and happy little number, and as far as numbers goes, my favorite! However there is just something amazing when the number three has to deal with repetition, it's as if our tiny little minds finally get the picture. Or maybe it's just the fact that our tiny little minds can only have things stay in there forever if it happens/is said three times.

So with that I must say, it was nice talking to you, and to make sure you live and love, make sure you live and love, make sure you live and love.

It's this thing called college...

Needless to say I am back at school, excited, nervous, tired, but happy. I am looking forward to this semester, knowing there is going to be a lot of growth and maturing happening as well as a lot of fun times made. You see college is something insane to those on the outside. Truly anything can and will happen.

Somethings that I learned just from one semester consists of the following:
Girls can be loud at night real late, Bedtime doesn't exist, Disney movies are acceptable, you can't watch scary movies with anybody, that facebook is a great way to hear about the outside world, nap times are acceptable between class, slippers are heavenly to go to class in, some days you don't even have to dress up to go to class.

But then again, I love college, I am here and I am tired.

The Cure

So without a doubt one of my biggest problems that occurs day to day is overthinking. I know it doesn't help that I like to be creative and make stories up in my mind, but I also know it doesn't help to continue going down the "what if" road. Especially when the "what if's" in life tend to bring tears to my eyes and make me think I made the biggest mistake of my life, or that because of choices I have made I am a terrible person, or my least favorite, I'll never get a similair experience again.

However I think I've found a makeshift cure. A cure that I have been tinkering with for a while. Though the cure is only temporary it is still is a cure, you just have to continually take it to continually not think. And no, the cure doesn't involve dulling your senses and being intoxicated or under the influence of narcotics, it does involve people or just actions.

Distractions.

Yes, distractions are the best makeshift cure I have found to cure the terrible case of over thinking because you are to busy to even make the simplest thought. The good thing about this cure is that it can come in many shapes and sizes, whether it be visiting your alma mater (or for me Smith's classroom), participating in an activity where you have to think about something specific (Yay judging tournaments), or spending time with friends that don't make you think about what you don't need to be thinking about (YAY attempting to go watch a movie and then get lost and make completely new plans). Distractions are what allow me to be sane for a little while and for those that keep me distracted I say thanks. Because sometimes my thoughts get the best of me and it's not good at all.

Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes it's important to think and reflect on certain things that may lead to overthinking. Yet, sometimes, it's better to just not feel like worrying, or start feeling bad or whatever but just enjoy life. And sometimes it might require spending times outside yourself to do so.

IMPACT

Look around you and what do you see people, pictures, places, stuff. Everything around us makes an impact on our lives one way or another whether we realize it or not. People impact our lives especially, whether it be the choices they make or the words they say we become us. At the same time, if we realize how much other people impact us, shouldn't we realize that we impact others just as great or as slight?

In the world we live in today, the choices we make and the words we say can help or hurt people. Save a life or destroy a life with the mere sounds and movements that we make. So I plead partially for myself and partially to all who read this, make the choice to be a positive impact today and tomorrow!

"I've Got the Music In Me"

Why is it that music impacts us the way it does? Music has the ability to move you to tears, to turn that frown upside down, to make you attempt to bust a move. But why? Honestly I wish I could answer why music does what it does to people.

Music just seems to have almost like a super power on people, empowering, relaxing, enraging, and that's just what happens when we listen to it. Music especially, when it's done like some write, freely, it's just even greater. Singing out your heart's hopes and desires seem to be what allows one to really grow and live life.

I would hate to live in a place where music was almost non-existent, because on long drives home or to school, music just makes time fly by. Even when I go to put pen to paper, music still likes to be around. When I think, music just helps clear my mind or at least organize my thoughts into reality.

I know this is a kinda pathetic blog, but I really like music, it's way of being a muse, and another form of temporarily escaping reality, at least for just a second.

So with that I'll leave you with a slice of cake....

This one just happens to be one of my favorites... it was a close tie between this song of theirs and a few others, of theirs.

Untitled!

So, I sit here and think to myself, what exactly should I type. And the truth is I really don't know what I want to type tonight as I face my deadline of one blog a day and as it's getting closer and closer.  So I guess I am just going to write out a few thoughts that I thought about writing about, and maybe one day one of them will get written, but who knows, after all this is just a blog.

1. I was wondering about writing based on a few songs that happen to be running through my head or write about songs that mean stuff to me.
2. Write about how you are still on my mind, and I really don't know if I'll ever forget about you. And on that note, I still miss you and am grateful for you being in my life and more importantly cherish what we had.

3. OK so I am not going to lie I was really tempted to post things I wrote pre-blog, such as my high school and junior high years that I just happened to write and still enjoy reading.

4. Literature?- I was reading a book earlier and was half-way hoping that I would be inspired to write based on what I read, but seeing how I was reading a Ted Dekker book, I guess it's good I wasn't inspired!

5. I was also half way thinking of posting new discoveries of self and junk, but I do that enough anyway. And I don't know if I needed to.....

6. Injustices, yeahhh that pretty much covers that thought. I am a fighter for injustice.

7. OOOOHHHH I almost just wrote a blog that was basically going to say, "Hey, what should I write about?" but I didn't.... technically.

8. And then I've tossed around the idea for a while about writing about why I enjoy writing. That topic happens to be a favorite of mine and probably would tie into 3. a little because I have written it before.

But as I am looking at what I just wrote and realized, I don't know what I wanted to write tonight, I think I am just going to leave it at that. The pure honest truth that displays how indecisive I can truly be.

Hold on

I just want you to know that in this life, everything may come and go but it'll be alright. Just hold on, just a little longer hold on you'll see. That even though, you may not believe it I am here for you. So don't let go, hold on just a little longer your life's more precious than you know. So hold on.

Life is something that is far more precious than we'll even realize it is but far to often we don't recognize the life that surrounds us. There are people all over our hometowns that are looked down upon, and neglected. Children that when they get off of school buses enter into broken and sometimes empty homes. People everyday that are struggling to survive, as well as people that are struggling to decide why life is worth living. And I know on my own I can't do a lot to stop it. I know that my measly efforts won't be enough. But I think if people all over the world were to actually stop being self centered and start becoming selfless then we would realize that those around us are actually hurting and need our help.

Now, I don't know the immediate solutions to a lot of the hurt and pain in this world but, I do know it's there and that is the first step. If the first step is realizing there is pain then the next step would be realizing that all life is precious. And even when life is hard, even when we can't stand it any longer, even when we feel alone. Our life on this earth is precious, all life on this earth is precious. So in those moments when you feel like letting go, I dare you to hold on a little longer because life is more precious than you know.

What's Next?

So I am officially counting down the days until classes start back up next Tuesday and I have seven days before real learning begins again. And it begs the question, with all that has happened in the year 2010, and all that has happened this month, what's next? Truly, I'd like to say only good things will happen but I know if and when I truly stop and think about it, I know times will be hard here and there. However, I think I am ready for the challenge, even though some days may seem extremely challenging, I think I am ready.

"What's next?" the ultimate scary question for anyone and everyone with a thought process, and those that aren't 100% courageous 100% of the time. I admit it, I am a little chicken to know what's to come in this next semester of school, especially knowing that I am beginning classes that will shape my future in the field of elementary education. I am terrified, that I won't be ready and I am also really terrified that somehow I will manage to miss out on something bigger than myself someway somehow.

Over the past week, I have come to accept that I am never in control even though being out of control, scares the snot out of me! But with that acceptation comes the terrifying thought that things will start being more chaotic around me, and I am not sure how or if I will be able to handle that. I know I am not perfect but I can't help but strive for some little bit of ownership in my life. Yet, it's not my life to own. That's what the biggest problem, when you start wondering "what's next?" you start realizing, it's not really up to me.

Good things come, good things go. But I for one am not in control.
Live life, breathe air. Somehow I'll make it there.
Wherever live takes me on this long unending stroll.
I think I am ready, but if I'm not, I'll just grin and bare it.

White as Snow

Today was an important day for the town of Princeton, the town was covered with snow. A remembrance of how we need to look on life, that we are forgiven if we ask namely and secondly we don't have to live life so fast! Just calm our horses down and live. Today is an important day for Princeton for we see how precious life is and how we need to cherish the time we have with loved ones because like the snow life here doesn't last forever. We have a second destination after earth.

Just as snow is pure so shall we be. Live and love, and most importantly never forget those close to you. Cherish the day!

My Flashlight Holders

It's amazing to see impacts that people can make on others lives there is no doubt about that. But it's also interesting to see that sometimes the small actions that people make can affect you so much. I am grateful for some of my wonderful friends and how much they have meant to me this night. And so I guess this is a thank you blog. Because it's vital to see some light during dark times, I think it's time I let you know who has been holding the flashlight around me.

My future suite-mates (almost there): Stephanie and Shelby, you both have been incredible and I appreciate you being so sweet and thoughtful and wonderful even though y'all have been hours away throughout this break, y'all always and continue to care and make sure I am okay. Love y'all dearly!

My Bigs: Kathryn and Hannah Pimpin, you two are without a doubt are a few of the best bigs in the world! I am grateful for y'all! You have helped make the introduction in to Howard Payne wonderful and you are some of the strongest caring college Christians I know, and it's amazing to know that you guys are so great and are such prayer warriors, and loving people. You mean so much to me.

My Interpers:  Devon and Samantha: I absolutely adore you guys! No lie, you two have been wonderful forever and you guys let me vent just a bit tonight! :) I am so excited that I get to see you guys a bit throughout the year when I come and judge or just come. You have meant so much to me forever but have really just made my UGH week turn brighter just because of how unselfish and amazing y'all are. Even during the most stressful week of the semester, you guys were there for me!

These are just a few people, I know but this week they have meant a lot. There are several others that held flashlights, BUT I am not going to lie, I kinda wanted to tag them on facebook, and I know there are limited number of people you can tag SO I tagged very few.

Ultimately this blog is showing who holds some flashlights for me, who makes the dark times bearable. It's important to recognize those in your lives who mean so much. I am pretty sure I am going to try to recognize more people throughout the course of the blog, because there are so many people that make a difference in my life for even just the little things they do. And now I am doing something new, I want your input, comment on the blog or on facebook, who some of your flashlight holders are, and most importantly let them know!

Speech and Debate Reflection

So, here goes a very uninspired blog. Sad day, most of my blogs as I sit down all of a sudden I think, "woah, I know what I am writing!" Or I just write what is on my brain/heart. However today isn't really like that. I guess a part of the lameness is due to the fact that I spent a lot of today getting ready for and helping  Princeton's 15th Annual Spring Classic whoot! Yes siree gotta love it when high schoolers are discussing what is better protectionism or free trade! But honestly, I loved every minute of the tournament today, well most of it.

One of the cool things about speech and debate is the friendships that are made. Whether you become close to those that judged you in your high school years, fellow judges, or the competitors that you are judging for. I am proud that I did speech and debate in High School because it truly made me to be the person I am today. However, it also made me a very busy high schooler, and allowed me to postpone my new years resolution to which I am now typing.
Today's blog was not good in the slightest however, the day itself was pretty snazzy.

I'm Alright

So I truly don't know what implanted this song in my head, but the song of the day is without a doubt.........

Once again, I really don't know how that song got in my head truly but I do know that it is the way I am feeling. At least the song title. (and if any of the lyrics are offensive sorry I only know portions of the song, that happen to be playing repetitively in my head.) 

A part of me feels guilty for feeling alright in the midst of all the crap in the world that boggs down so many people and causes so much heartache. However I have realized, that a lot of the stuff that boggs so many down, really shouldn't. Somethings that happen in life, we have no way of stopping, had no way of starting it and or no way of knowing when it will be over. I'm alright, because I know that something amazing is fixing to happen, what, I have no clue but I know it's going to be fantastic and hard. Because with all the bad things that seem to be drawing attention, God has the ability to use it for his will. Though things might not be the way we wished they were, heartbreaking situation may lead to life changing results. God is still in control, he is still on his throne, and we shouldn't forget that. I think something big spiritually and emotionally is fixing to take over Princeton, Texas. However with that, we need to realize that those stumbling blocks of our faith, shouldn't force us to stumble but realize what truly is coming, and celebrate those we've lost, and praise God even more for those still in our lives and the miracles that he has worked in lives all across the world.

One of the things that I really have been struggling with this past few weeks is thinking that it's might fault, I should've done something different, (as you could probably tell with some older blogs). But the truth of the matter is, sometimes things just are out of our hands, believe it or not our actions or lack of actions doesn't always cause terrible things. Now, I know sometime our actions causes consequences however sometimes we don't control things that happen. It's not your fault that something happens all the time that you don't like, especially, if it's natural, or happening on the other side of the world. Sometimes we as people get so wrapped up in ourselves we actually believe the world revolves around us. And the shocking thing is, IT DOES NOT!  I guess this whole little paragraph is me explaining how I have come to be alright. Even though it may be a temporary realization, after all, I am human, and as I mentioned earlier we like to get wrapped up in ourselves.

I guess another reason as to why I'm alright is because I am blessed beyond what I deserve. Crazy that God has this thing called Grace and Mercy. Often times when times are hard, whether emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, socially, God still has our backs. However we often forget that too, and focus on what is bothering, or what is unfair, or unjust, or just plain wrong. God has never left us, and he never will.

So I'm alright, Don't nobody worry 'bout me. 

B-E-A-U-Tiful!

So today I was at the school because, #1 I had nothing better to do, #2 I wanted to see people, And # 3 Because I could. And in the theatre productions class at the end of the day, we started talking about appearances, and my philosophy happened to pop up. The truth is everyone is beautiful if you look at them the right way. Part of my philosophy came to be at a summer camp called Wheatstone, when we talked about beauty and how all people are made in the image of God. Now it might just be me, but just merely knowing that I am made in the image of God makes look on myself and others as having such great worth, and a dash of beauty just because of the fact that they are made in God's image.

One of the biggest reasons why I think my philosophy came into being, is because there are so many people in this world, girls and guys alike, that have such low self esteem especially when it comes to their looks. So I guess this blog stems off of today's conversation, though it was brief. Everyone has something about them that makes them attractive, and I think that it is so important to tell people that very thing. There is an epidemic of people that when they look upon themselves they fail to realize the good, but point out the bad. Now some people, do it because they seek attention but then there are those that truly can't stand their physical appearance in the slightest.

Truly I don't know why I am going on this appearance tangent, but I think it is important to make sure that people know they are beautiful. At least on the outside anyway. :)   So with that I say.  " Dear Reader, whoever you may be, you are beautiful! Sincerely, Me"

Trying to "Handle it"/ Why I dislike my brain.

The hardest part about this all, is that I don't know how to "handle it". I just wish that somehow this could be easy, but I don't think that it can be at all, especially when memories flood back into view. Some that I absolutely loved and others that I absolutely regretted. I can say one of my favorites that I definitely don't mind was one I mentioned on facebook today, him writing on my car window in the rain, those three little words that melted my heart and glued a smile on my face. But then I think about that terrible dream, the dream that I can't help but think about. The only dream that I has ever woken me up in tears. And it once again, makes me think of the times where I wanted to tell him yes with all my heart but my stupid head got in the way, filling me with doubt, insecurity, a dash of false hope, and more importantly urged me to say no three times.

Everytime that I start thinking that every little thing is gonna be ok, my brain starts working overtime, and then the tears start streaming down my face and it makes me angry. I know that this was going to happen, and I am glad it happened this way and no other way. But when I hear some phrases, my heart finally gets to take control and it feels like its going to just fall apart on the floor. It's good to hear somethings, and it's reasurring to know that what we had was real, but at the same time just realizing that... makes me feel like I made the biggest mistake three times in a row. It kept me up last night, and I am sure it's going to keep me up again and again. The truth is I should've said yes the very first time you asked, but I was to chicken. The truth is, I was really hoping there was going to be a fourth time the question was asked, because I was waiting to answer yes, and had given up on waiting until the semester finished to see if we still liked each other the same way.

Thanks for the memories

Today shall forever be remembered for so many people, because it was the day that a very funny, genuine and real loved guy went on to a better place. So this post really isn't for anyone else but to just reflect on the greatness that he impacted on so many peoples lives. I'll never forget the year 2010, it's when our friendship really blossomed into something great. Whether we were talking before and after softball games, going to the movies, or my personal favorite bowling (even though I always seemed to lose to everyone). There were many great memories made, many wonderful times had, a lot of laughter, a bit of pain (darn those splotcha games) but always cherishable. I am so grateful, to have known you, and to have gotten so close to you this past year. But more importantly I am glad you aren't suffering anymore, and that you are in a better place without disease, heartache, pain, and chaos. You were absoulutely amazing to every person who you crossed paths with and I thank the Lord for getting to cross paths with you. I'll never forget you.

Love, Katie

Just Breathe...

Thanks Anna Nalick I appreciate you not minding for me stealing your words of wisdom!

In this every growing hectic world full of chaos and despair and joy and laughter, I think we all just need to breathe a little. Without a doubt pain can seem unbearable, but the cool thing about that pain is that we don't have to deal with pain on our own. Breathing helps a little, but surrouding yourself with loved ones, and God's love is even more powerful. Though we have no way of controlling any situations, we can always recognize that everything will be amazing in the end of it all, due to God's unending love and grace.

God is amazing, he places people in our lives that make us who we are, and shapes us to be who we need to be. Today might be a day that will be remembered for a long time for many. But it's important to realize, that even though we might not realize it, that God has a plan, God uses hard circumstances for his kingdom. And more importantly, this world is not ours. We don't end life on this planet, so we shouldn't be in dispair when fellow believers are near death, or have left us on this earth, but rather we shall celebrate and be joyful. For ultimately in their passing, they are the lucky ones, they are away from the pain and suffering, and with God in heaven.

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, girls,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe"


I am thankful for this passing year, and the people whom I came to love more than I can imagine. And I just think it's vital to realize that when it seems like situations are more than we can bear. That we just need to breathe, and give up our burdens. God is in control at all times, even when it seems like bad things are engulfing our life. God is in control. And he loves us, more than we could ever imagine, more than we can even love ourselves, or those closest to us. So breathe, because, God's in control, we though we may try with all of our might, are not.

Welcome to the New Year

Welcome to the year 2011. What shall we come to expect of it all only God can truly tell. But for this new year, I want to embark on something new and different. To truly experience life, to hold on to every moment and not let a second pass by without realization. This year is to be different, to be beautiful to be new and bold and brilliant. I want to wish any and all who read this, or who just exist really a fantastic new year and wish you all the love in the world. There is a beauty to today, and that is it's only here for a mere 24 hours before it all goes away. I want to make sure that the year 2011 isn't just a year. But a year worth remembering every second, a year worth while. I have a desire to make life worth living to the fullest, and a desire to actually embark on this adventure of the new decade. Today is not a day to mourn, but to rejoice for it's the start of something new. Every brand new day has a chance to be something great, and remarkable. We just have to open our eyes, hearts, and hands and be willing to embrace it. As for me, I am saying, "Hello 2011, it's nice to meet ya. Come let's enjoy one another"

Happy new year.