I Need To Talk With You

One of the most terrifying phrases throughout my life has go to be the phrase, "I need to talk with you". I am usually an optimistic person however when those 6 little words are place just so and spoken directly to me, I cringe. And it's not just when people of authority say that, it's when friends or peers say that as well. It scares me, because as soon as those words escape the lips of the person presenting them, I start to think the worst.

A time I recall being scared out of my wits was when I got a version of those six terrifying words on a slip of paper to see the lovely vice principle in junior high. The first thing that popped into my head was, "Oh no, he knows I cheated on such and such homework, (probably math) and now, I am going to be kicked out of school forever". Thankfully that was not the case, I just got sent to the office for not writing my name on a bunch of papers in my Pre-AP English class. But no matter what the end result was, I can still remember my heart beating faster and faster, beads of sweat touching my forehead, and my mind running the full course of thought ending with my head on a platter for getting in trouble. Even though that day was so long ago, I still have similar feelings arise every now and then.

I hate it when that phrase terrifies me in the sense where the pain is not going to be for me. There are certain locations that I see every once in a while that flood back the memories when that phrase took its toll in an emotional way. I would get a text saying, those words that would always get my heart beating, force my lungs to forget how to function properly, and have tears start slipping down my cheek. Even now, just remembering those texts and how I would fear them, so much. Knowing that in a few seconds I would walk away from where I was and go and sit on that ledge and answer the phone call that would always seem to force the lie, "I am not crying" out of my mouth and into the airwaves.

Oh, how much I really hate that phrase. But then again sometimes, I find myself truly wanting to speak it to anyone that I think would be willing to listen and just tell them everything that runs through my mind. Just to almost release all the things that I have been wanting to say out loud. But still the phrase taunts me, because sometimes it's hard to truly find someone to listen, and sometimes it's difficult finding the ability to mouth those words much less make it have audible sound. And I don't know how many times I find myself lately how I really long to speak those despicable words.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes people need to vent, and I am willing to listen, but every now and then, it would be nice to get a break from being vented to because I am only human and for some reason I am not built to handle the world on my shoulders and then my life at the same time. At this moment, I wish that I could be like Lucy from The Peanuts and decide when my hours are, though I think I would place myself on vacation for awhile. I just for some reason, can't handle all the bad in the world at this moment.
And I highly doubt whoever may read this will even get this far in reading it because it is ridiculously long especially when being compared to some of my more recent blogs. But honestly the end of this blogs are some words that have been yearning to be heard for some time now.

And if you are still reading this, I commend you for being able to listen to my mini-vent. I would vent a little more, but then again, this is the internet and what I type won't explode in a week or two if I had the desire to click the delete button. So thank you, and congratulations for being able to handle something that I can't handle right now, due to well, due to me.

Returning to Normalcy? I wouldn't mind it!

Sometimes, I just feel weird. Not weird as in the "Oh-Em-Gee, that kid's a freak" but the weird as in, the I can't describe it exactly but I know for sure it cannot be defined as normal. But then again, who even knows what normal is? Okay, so a bunch of the definitions provided by dictionary.com include the word average but how in the world are we supposed to know what average is in a world filled with billions of people? When it comes to feelings and emotions and thoughts and ideas, how are we as people supposed to know what is the social norm or status quo?

Needless to say, I still have just been feeling weird the past few weeks. Why? I have no honest clue, life just hasn't been as status quo for me as it has been in the past. I am not saying that life has completely and totally been terrible these last couple of weeks because there has been some amazing times with awesome friends. However I am going to admit that it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows either. Because for some reason or another at various points throughout these weeks my mind has began to wonder and think things that I really wish weren't available to be in my mind. Things that truly shouldn't matter in the bigger picture but when I start to dissect life it just looks so huge and so imminent that it bothers me. And I have no clue why it is so much easier to type this all up and post in on a blog/facebook than actually talking to people about just feeling weird lately.

Then again, what is normal? Because truthfully, I have no clue. And if anyone ever discovers what normal is, please let me know.

But because a lot of this blog talks about normality, I shall end the blog with a musical I want to see so bad,

No Bueno blog

I have decided that self evaluations and fake nails are not my thing for the night at least. That said I am going  to know type a whole sentence without correcting myself. This I'd a reslly short blog becsyde I am tired snd I forgot sbout my blog snf I am typibg it on my pjone with fske nsils. If you can translate that then awesome!

English Love

One of my passions in life has got to be writing. Even though I may not be the absolute best at it, it is one of my passions. Every once in a while I have a gnawing thought that develops inside of me to write, whether be writing the truth, a short story, emotions or even the thought of writing a book. I just have this thought every so often that sometimes I wouldn't mind sticking author, or writer on to the end of my resume. I know it might sound silly, but every so often something will happen or I will be living life and all of a sudden, a scene in a story or movie will just pop into my head and sometimes I just follow it. I have this desire every so often as I did earlier this evening to write a book about life. Not something completely crazy or anything, but about life in general.

I have had several thoughts about what the general topic of the book would  be about and in my mind it would bring tears to the readers eyes, and laughs to their mouths. Yesterday, the idea on how to set out and write a book came randomly and I just thought, "huh, it would be a cool way just to make a blog a book. Have every new post a new chapter or something of that nature and BAM you have the beginning works of a book."  I thought of just making up a story and magically having a twist through out the blog, not just going and taking this blog and turning it into something. (Though I have thought about that before)

I enjoy writing and reading. I may not be the best but it is something that sometimes I just find myself longing to do, fact or fiction, random or provoked, it's just a part of myself that I happen to enjoy.

Scaredy Cat!

So I am not a fan of cats at all, partially because in intermediate school my cousin's cat hit me in the face, and partially because I am allergic.

Tonight, right now even I am spending time at Amber Corley's with Amber and Whitney Turnacliff finishing up and reviewing/preparing for our test at eight in the morning. After eating supper Whit and I decide it would be best to grab our gear out of our vehicles so that eventually we can prepare for bed. Well, I go to my car, and start searching for clothes that I am going to wear tomorrow, out of my giant laundry bag. When all of a sudden in the dark abyss of Early, Texas I feel a hit on my ankle, I FREAK OUT. Needless to say I glance down and instead of a monster ready to pounce, I see a cat. So I am not as terrified until, it leaps into my car and won't get out. (Mainly terrified that fur will be left in my vehicle and the next day my allergies will be going crazy and bezerk)

But now, I go back to work. So that we get sleep tonight eventually.

What is this feeling so sudden and new?

So just to be brief because I haven't been home longer than 5 minutes since 5:45 this morning. I am just going to state what is really on my mind and honestly it's friendship. There are so many different types of friendships in this world and I am not about to lie, I have been contemplating what type of friendship I truly have with certain people. It's hard to say but, a small part of me is wanting to scream out "that is not a true friendship at all" and then I feel bad for thinking that but everyonce in a while something happens or a thought process emerges and I find myself at square one all over again on what type of friendship this truthfully is. And no, in no way am I going to state the name of said individual, and in no way should you automatically assume it is you. In the right way at the right time, if the information with said individual needs to be shared it will. It just throws me for a loop sometimes, and I could be making something out of nothing, however I am none too sure.

Procrastinate!

I am a procrastinator. I wait until the last possible moment to start and even end things. I really don't know why I am a procrastinator besides the fact that a lot of things that have deadlines either come easy to me or are just extremely simple for anyone to do. The reason I am letting you know this is because it's one of the prime reasons my blogs are always posted twenty till midnight, or as is the case right now, a few minutes before I fall asleep. The thing about procrastination though, is it is not the worst way to approach a task. The worst way to approach a task is either not at all or giving up half way. And I am proud to say that this blog though I may procrastinate on posting until the last hour of my deadline, will never fail the goal of being posted everyday this year.

And.... BREAK!

I am posting this blog early today partially because right now the migraine has subsided to a very tiny headache, and before the headache goes back to a migraine I am going to get some use out of my mind. Needless to say, today I had a migraine and it hurt a whole lot. I for one am not a fan of waking up extremely early just to realize I feel like crap. I am however a fan of skipping classes for the day because I know already full and well, I won't be able to pay any attention due to the feeling of my head being squashed by the use of a die-cutter machine. That's the very thought of how painful my migraine was at 5:20 this morning, the die-cutter machine. 

However, after a billion hours of sleeping, and a bit of time attempting to be apart of the community (to no true prevail), I feel better. Every once in a while you need a break, even if that break from the world come from an invisible die-cutter, it's still needed. 

Sometimes...

Sometimes things just don't happen as you would expect them to.
Sometimes you don't get your way.
Sometimes you don't have to take specific classes.
Sometimes you don't have to stay up late.
Sometimes you don't have to stress.
Sometimes you don't have a break.
Sometimes, life is life.

Next Semester's Schedule

These are the classes I am going to try to get next semester!!! It took a while to find which Spanish Class I could take in order to take all the other classes that only had one time option! BUT HOPEFULLY this all will work out!

ESS 1103 - 01 BASIC CANOEING ($50 fee) Beelby Frederick L T   0500PM - 0550PM WC-11

MUS 1195 - 01 MUSIC THEATRE/OPERA WORKSHOP Church Celeste T R 0200PM - 0320PM DMC-503

MAT 3321 - 01 MATH FOR ELEMENTARY TEACHERS II Grooms Wendy T R 1100AM - 1220PM W-105/112

Lab ($25 fee) W 0200PM - 0320PM W-105/112

PSY 1311 - 01 INTRODUCTION TO PSYCHOLOGY Bean Athena H M W F 0900AM - 0950AM N-12

MUS 2177 - 01 CLASS GUITAR (BEGINNING) Beaumont Lance M W 0100PM - 0150PM DMC-301

SPA 1411 - 01 COLLEGE SPANISH I Hawkins Carla J M W F 0800AM - 0850AM TAC-208/201

Lab ($35 fee) T R 0830AM - 0920AM TAC-208/201

Ranty McRant Rant

So I have a headache and I figured because I don't want to go into any full ideas that are floating through my mind I might as well just rant a little. After all,  a little bit of ranting is good sometimes.

1. I have had a headache every day since Thursday.  (Ouch)
2. I have a wickedly painful sunburn
3. I just hate the washing machines in Veda, they are evil.
4. I have really cool thoughts, and then I forget them
5. Friday is stuck in my head.
6. I really want it to be summer already.
7. I don't know why I get headaches a bunches

Now to make up for the 7, rants.

1. I got to spend time with Jessica Ferrell-Raborn and Shelby and Whitney
2. I got FIDO on DVD (Heck yes)
3. I got started on my roommate's photo board!
4. I won at an auction!  (heehee)
5. I got to see Sigma Theta Phi's spring sing show
6. I have my advisement set up for next semester
7. I love my familia.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

I just finished reading the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and wow. Just wow. You know a book is good when it brings emotions out of the reader before and after reading the book and that is exactly what this book did. It made you think, and look at how you live life!

When you just pick up a book you don't expect getting anything out of reading it but mere entertainment value, but for me it addressed far more than that. I am not going to lie, tears were brought to my eyes more than once, and I just wanted to tell people why but I knew that it wouldn't matter because the reasonings behind it were merely a book. 

This book is definitely a must read for all, especially those in high school and up. Because it addresses real emotions and real life and it tugs at the readers heart strings, and bring them into the scene and feel the characters mixed emotions and problems. 

This is probably a very terrible book review but the truth of the matter is The Perks Of Being a Wallflower is an amazing book and a must read! 

Katie Belle and the not so night life!

At this very moment my brothers are in Austin on 6th street living it up in the SXSW world. At the very same moment that they are living it up where am I? In the hotel room. Now, I understand that I made the decision to stay here while they hit up the concert scene but the decision I did not make was for the headache to arise. Now don't get me wrong, the headache wasn't the only contributing factor to me remaining in the hotel room but it was the biggest one. Another reason happened to be that my feet were not a happy camper and having only brought a pair of converse and flip flops, I realized me feet would not appreciate me running around Austin hopping from music venue to music venue. Then one of the reason that will be a no-brainer to those like my brothers who are staying out as late as their bands, I am not a night owl. I never really have been, and it's really difficult to attempt staying up real late and not getting tired.

However, I must admit, rather inform those reading this, that this trip was far from a bust for me! For one thing, I got to go to the wonderful world of South Congress Avenue, the area of Austin I love the most without a doubt. Though it felt like a billion hour march to get to the area I love the most, it was definitely worth it plus, I am pretty sure my brothers appreciated it! One of the stores that I love the most down there is called Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds, a costume shop that in my opinion has some of the best accessories in the world. Including the wonderful hippster-esque wallet and earrings that I picked up today!  I am loving being down here, I just am not a fan of night time adventures, because the day is where my adventures lie, and that happens to be the time when I am ready to go on adventures.

short....

I am unsure of the adveture that lies ahead of me this weekend. Woke up feeling not so awesome and just have been feeling a bit tired all day! However I am going to be optimistic that tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and ready to take Austin by storm!

Come Together Right Now

One thing that has come to my attention a lot of times throughout my life is that I have different sets of friends. I am not saying that it is terrible to have a wide variety of people you hang out with but, when you kind of bring all the friends or a variety of the friends together, it can be super fun! Which makes me ask, why do I so often times separate my friends as if I can control if people like each other or not.

I wonder if I am the only person that does this, the whole separation of friends thing. I mean it's highly possible that most sane people integrate their friends so that they can get to know one another and so that on the rare occasions such as birthdays and whatnot there isn't such an awkward air in the room. Because if you think about it, there are reasons why we tend to like certain people so more than likely they have reasons that they like to hang with you as well, and if you think about it there should be no reason for them to have nothing in common.

And now, my eyes are getting droopy, and I have kind of lost my words and so I leave you with this startling truth, I failed my mini-goal this week on Tuesday, when I woke up freezing and tired.
oops

Never Say Never

So I must admit I have some pretty radical people in my life. And some of those pretty rad, people have influenced a bit of my musical tastes throughout the year. For starters, I have to admit, I never would have listened intently to Fall Out Boy, if it were not for Whitney Turnacliff, and there is no doubt in the world I would even think about listening to LFO, and Justin Bieber if it were not for Amber Corley.

Part of me laughs, when I realize, as I am jamming out to "Never Say Never" for the umpteenth time that I had admitted at one time that I would never like Bieber, oh the irony! It's funny how being around different people can make tastes change. Now, I will admit sometimes the changes aren't necessarily for the better like when Julia Roberts character met that one lady in Pretty Woman, and then became a prostitute. (Wow that is not a good point) HOWEVER, sometimes people can just tweak your tastes and make you a melting pot of others opinions and with their likes, you can become a person that you wanna be.

Everyone rubs off on somebody, whether it be musical tastes, fashion tastes, brilliance, creativity, or whatever. People look to others for ideas and opinions and even guidance. When painting a bowl in someone else's art class people joked about stealing ideas for their work of art, but the truth is, society wouldn't be where it was without people sharing ideas, and other people growing off of them.

Cards!

I have discovered something fun! Out of boredom/inspiration I began to decide to make a specific individual a card and looking at my desk I see none other than a deck of cards. Needless to say I grabbed the cards that I never use, the joker, and paint it and make it pretty! It's not that hard, but a lot of fun, the only downfall is that it takes a while to dry, so it takes a longer time to actually paint the other side.

Sometimes, I just have to use my hands and make something, whether painting, making a picture board, or nailing together my bookshelf! I have always enjoyed feeling useful, and committed to something and when I start little projects then I feel happy and useful!

Chivalry the Unicorn

For a long time in our society people have uttered the phrase "Chivalry is dead" and sadly my generation often times accepts that, men and women think yep that's true. However people are often to hasty with their ideology to realize that sometimes, things aren't dead, they are just hiding. To me, chivalry is like a unicorn. If you truly believe in it you will be able to find it, and often times show it.

But something about chivalry and unicorns is sometimes they don't appear the way that you typically think that they should appear. Some days, unicorns just happen to look like horses with a birthday hat on, and chivalry comes when someone, anyone just holds the door open a tad bit longer than usual so you don't have to freak out about opening it when you have a billion things in your arms. Sometimes chivalry appears in the way of humility and truthfulness, while a unicorn appears as an anorexic rhino.

The truth of the matter is, whenever chivalry does occur, it's something to smile at. Whether some nice guy takes you out and pays the check, or some friend making sure that you are okay. Chivalry is a unicorn only  it exists and can be found without having to squint and force horses to dress up in silly costumes, or force Rhino's to become bulimic.

Are you afraid of the dark?

Yes, yes I am afraid of the dark. I honestly don't know how long I have been but anytime that I am in the dark outside especially I get terrified. There is something that is apart of me that just doesn't like the unknown and a big part of that comes out to play when I am having to go outside in the dark, or sometimes even worse drive in the dark.

The last time that I drove to HPU there was without a doubt an underlying terror in my entirety. Somehow I am just realizing that the terror aside from getting lost and my gps being a liar, stems from my eternal fear of the dark. The drive this time back to school was one with far less panic attacks and a more chillaxed enviornment all because of the light density outside of my window.

A big reason of why the dark is terrifying to me and a lot of other people is, you never really know what is surrounding you. The dark is less terrifying in your personal bedroom than it is at an acquaintances front lawn at 9 in the evening, because of the unfamiliarity. The darkness has an affect on me that is like no other in that idea. That if I am unfamiliar with the area just a tiny amount then the area will still have a uneasy feel and not just because I don't know the place, but because somehow in the dark anything is possible.

The fear of darkness can also be taken in the sense of being afraid of the unknown period. And I face that fear quite a bit. When I am having to realize that I truly don't know what is to come of me in the end of May when school lets out, I get a little spooked. When I just think about the future as in when I graduate the fear gets instilled even further, because I have no clue if I will even be a marketable employee in 2014! Who knows if educators will be needed more or even less than they are now? I surely don't! However with fear of the darkness comes the recognition that with darkness there is light. Even though I don't know what exactly God has in store for me, I know that he does have something in store. That I shouldn't be freaking about the unknown so much that I forget what I do know. That

I am afraid of the dark. The truth is though, I know the light and often times am to ignorant to realize that as long as I look to the light I have nothing to fear.

Minor Goal of the week

I am starting a minor project this week. And I am a little hesitant about starting. It has come to my attention like no other today, that I dress like a bum, a lot. Therefore I am going to start getting around earlier in the day to not look so bummish for awhile. Just for your information, I am not meaning I have been looking like a stylish bum like Ke$ha, first off I shower and second off, I just can't pull of grungy. 

It's just a minor project, however I am going to try to do it! I am kinda hoping that I am successful in this mission, and that it can continue on. HOWEVER, I am not promising anything. 

The End

For me spring break is nearing to an end and I have not yet decided if that excites me or bums me out. A big part of me wants to stay home and just remain in crash mode. After all, somehow everyone that I know is starting their break now. However a part of me does desire to go back and see my friends and finish out the rest of the semester strong! Not going to lie though I am not truly looking forward to the summer, but that is just because I am truly clueless about what is going to happen. But as for right at this very moment I am content with the day. After all, tomorrow is just filled with uncertainties.

Gravity

The song gravity has been stuck in my head all day today, and it remains there on purpose. Because it seems like no matter how far I’ve come, you still enter my mind. And I know that a big part of you entering my mind is my fault. I know that. But I still can’t help it especially when I have dreams that you are still here, when I just look at how we were for a while, when I just think of where other couples are and where we could have been.

I know I already blogged for the day, but I just need to get this off my chest. Every time I think that I have a chance of "finding a guy", I feel bad. Every single time that I think I have gotten “over you” I find myself seeing your name pop up on facebook. And I can’t find it in myself to just delete you, you are still in my phone even. I have deleted phone conversations but I cannot find it in me to delete anything else. Though I may not know what love truly is, I know that I cared a lot for you, and as I have been told numerous times, you cared a lot for me.

I miss you. I truly fully do. It just seems that every time that I come back to town, somehow someone reminds me of you. And it makes me think of all the good and all the bad and that you aren’t here. It’s so hard to remember that sometimes, the fact that you aren’t here. I think that sometimes my mind just thinks you have gone away for a while but then reality hits in every so often and it stings like a knife.

I know that I wasn’t the person I should’ve been the entire time I knew you. And I apologize for that. I should’ve been there for you more than I was. I admit I was afraid, every time I got a phone call, my heart hit the pit of my stomach thinking that something was wrong. Whether you were calling or your mom (even if she was calling on accident), I started to think that every call was going to just bring more bad news.  I know that I could’ve been so much more than what I was. And I am sorry for that, I was just afraid of possibilities.

I miss you, and I know I won’t forget you, because somehow my mind always wanders back to you.

*Cough Cough*

I just don't feel good right now and I don't know why it came on to me like it did. I am not going to lie, I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac, but I know for sure right now I am actually not feeling good. Which brings me up to one of the most daunting questions that comes up with me.

"Does it make me a hypochondriac if I think I am a hypochondriac?"

Now to be perfectly clear I don't think I am a hypochondriac all the time however when I show the slightest hint of sickness, disease, allergies, pain, whatever, my mind goes into freak out mode that I am going to have some rare disease that only Dr. House can cure, after several tries of course.  I don't know why I am this way, I know that when I was in junior high and high school that every once in a while I would try to appear sick only to end up truly feeling sick and getting to miss school anyways. Why I did this? I truly have no clue, it was always a theory about getting my homework done, or something noble. The only downfall with this plan however was I would feel sick for half of the morning and not want to do anything but lie in the living room with the lights off. So long, fool proof plan.

I don't know if I am a hypochondriac in truth however, what I do know is that I have hypochondriac tendencies when I am just a tad bit feverish, or what have you.

Nopes, not a real awesome one

For today's blog, I have no clue what I am writing about so I have a feeling that it will be more of a ramble than an actual blog. So if you are a regular reader, then I advise to probably disregard this blog because I honestly have no clue what I will be typing. Because for some reason, I usually can't write as well at home than when I am at school. I think part of it is that I am afraid to type some of my thoughts and opinions because people will be more able to react to them if they are about something happening in Princeton, or at home or whatever. 

I was half way tempted to just steal a topic off for today's blog from the internet (1-12 grade topics), however I digressed. I almost wrote about what was on my mind for half the morning, but then I decided not to because of reasons above. Then I actually thought about asking for topic ideas BUT, people don't give them so that would be useless. 

Therefore: This is the blog of the day. Like it, Hate it, it's here. 

So....

I have decided that this blog, would have a title with a letter that I somehow have not used yet for this blog. (or that my laptop recognizes as being used) The letter "S" somehow won. So, "So...." became the title. I titled this blog as I did because I figured if I merely title this "So..." it won't be the first thing that pops up on the paragraph.

Today I learned something very important. That sometimes you should quit while you are ahead and sometimes, it's not about how much you win or lose but how you play the game. Both very important to know and realize! I didn't lose a billion dollars today but actually made a small profit. Most importantly however, I got to spend time with a friend that I don't spend enough time with. Me sucking at friendships? WHAT?!?! Just kidding, I know I am bad with people and keeping friendships where they oughta be. Today though, I don't think I failed miserably, except maybe when I allowed Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, Ke$ha and Brittany Spears play on the stereo. Today was good, sometimes you just need time with friends that are amazing, and that was just what today was.

Adventure Time!

I am not that big of an adventurous person too much of the time. I really enjoy spending time at home, in my room, not with a lot of people. But every so often and adventure must take place. Every so often I have to leave the confinement of my room and do something crazy! So tomorrow, I go on an adventure with a wonderful buddy of mine! 

Now, I am excited for what I am going to do tomorrow, and I have been wanting to do it for a while. I am going to Choctaw! To me it's one of those things that I feel like I got to do to, for the fun of it. For some reason the idea of gambling at least once in my lifetime has always appealed to me. Mainly the idea of putting a penny into a machine and watching various fruits, animals, colors, shapes just spinning around and around and around until they finally come to a stop and hopefully line up. And sense the last two times I have been invited or allowed to go, I wasn't able to in the end because the first time I wasn't 18 yet, and the second gambling was illegal on the island, unlike what we had originally thought. 

So I am excited for tomorrow's adventure, and am hoping that I have a blast and that I don't lose too much and am crossing my fingers to actually when a few cents!

Imaginary Jesus

This blog is more than likely going to appear more like a book review than anything else, because I am truly enjoying a book right now. 

I began reading this book the other day called, "Imaginary Jesus" by Matt Mikalatos, and I must admit I am really liking this book. It starts out with the main character in a vegan cafe just chilling with Jesus when a man walks in and starts talking with him asking about his Jesus. Come to find out, the guy chatting with him punches the Jesus in the face and let's Matt know, that his Jesus is not THE Jesus but an imaginary one. The book, though I am not finished, goes on to Matt trying to figure out who the real Jesus is. And I am not going to lie, just in the first few chapters the readers eyes opening up to questions about their own spiritual life.

One of the first questions that popped up for me was "How do you view Jesus?"  In the book, there are several imaginary Jesus' that arrive into the scene. One of my favorites being the "magic 8 ball Jesus", the Jesus that acts just like a magic 8 ball to anything and everything.

Now, I must admit I am not done with the book yet, however so far it has been really good. Something that popped out at me was also how sometimes we as Christians, don't associate with certain people at all because of their past or even present. The book demonstrates it with a prostitute, and how Matt and imaginary Jesus had wanted nothing to do with them. The truth of the matter though, is that as the church on Stephen F. Austin had on it's message board one day, "Jesus loves Prostitutes". It's a realization in the book, that we as people mostly forget, that Jesus died for all people not just people with 4.0 GPAs, clean criminal record, and have memorized all the books in the bible. Jesus died for and love all people but we too much of the time forget it.

If you happen to be bored or just have some spare time, I recommend reading this book. I know it might sound odd that I am recommending it pre-finishing however, so far it is really good.

If for some reason, when I finish the book, it is absolutely terrible I will make sure to post a new blog saying never trust my mid-reading book reviews ever again. 

Question

One of my very first posts was about relationships and how I actually truly suck at most relationships that I have, whether personal, friends, family, or even random people on the street. And I think I know why that is, I never know what my responses should be when random things arise. Whether actions are good, bad or indifferent for some reason, I can never figure out what the right words to say, right actions to do, right anything to do for that matter. 

So I am not the best and I know that, so here I ask, and beg the question. How do people know the answers to responding to actions and all that jazz? If you know you should totally inform me!

Home.

I have come to the conclusion that I love coming home as much as I love coming back to the dorms. There are positives and negatives about both, but depending on the amount of time I spend in one location depends on how many negatives are on the list. But as for now I am home for spring beak and I can proudly admit a few positives right now. 

1) I love my bed, I am laying on it to type this blog. My bed is one of the most comfortable pieces of furniture in the world, or at least I am convinced! I love coming home to a super comfy bed as opposed to the not so comfy one at the dorms (which I was very close to falling off of one night)

2)  My room, emphasis on the my. I have an issue with sharing occasionally, and I have had my own room for a very long time. So when I get to leave our dorm room, and come to my room. It just gives me that sense of privacy that I rarely get. 

3) I like seeing people's faces too. When I come home and see people I haven't seen in a while it always just makes me excited, especially when it is someone I am uber close with. 

4) Mi Familia. Definitely. I love my family and whenever I get to see my mom and dad when I walk in the door it just makes me happy and feel a sense of safety and comfort. I also like to see William too don't get me wrong, however it's always cool and wonderful to see the people that are funding my very existence. 

5) Drinks! Not gonna lie, one of the best things about coming back to Princeton is the occasional starbucks and Taco D sweet Tea. Not even gonna lie, there are no replacements for those back in Brownwood. 

And that is why I am glad to be home for spring break, that and it's spring break and there is no homework or  tests or stress! 

Happy living,
Katie Carl!

Picture Perfect

So for a while at the beginning of the year something very vain was getting the best of me. It was bothering me to no prevail that I had no pictures that both of us were in. And I don't know how many times the thought ran in my mind that the reason for their being no pictures of us was because I didn't capture pictures of every little moment that we had together. For some reason, just that fact alone would hurt so much that I had no way of seeing who we were together. The truth is however, I never needed a picture. Today I randomly found one. I was so excited for a few minutes but then the rest of the emotions began flooding the picture.

I guess it was for the best that we never were big into pictures, because seeing that one random picture that I never knew was taken almost tore me to pieces. It was that realization of us, it was in the beginning of us. It was hard to see, but almost refreshing to know that I don't have the possibiltiy to feeling that saddness as much as it could've been if every time I looked for a new profile pic, your face would be staring back at me.

I miss you, there is no doubt about that. But I am grateful of what we had and didn't have. I am grateful that I was just able to know and talk with you. Times have gotten easier for me and I don't want that to sound terrible like I'm moving on because you will always be a reason for me being the way I am. You will always be apart of me, in my cares, in my reasonings, and even in the football teams I root for. Truth is, I have missed you. Truth is, I know it takes time to heal and that sometimes healing is never 100%. But the biggest truth of all is I know that I have experienced a lot of healing. And I saved the picture.

Today, the day of today.

So today was pretty snazzy, felt like I aced my History Test and my professor told me he was glad I was in his class. I got to read a little bit in life science, and I am really liking the book I got, "invisible Jesus" it's really good so far. Then I went to figure out why my phone hates me, however I was told at the store to call the warranty people. *sigh* The person on the phone was useless, because believe it or not I have to be able to use two phones in order to get mine fixed. LAME! However, after that I became very creative and began making a headboard thing and it looks pretty snazzy! YAY FOR LEFTOVER CRAFT SUPPLIES!!!! Then I got to spend time at Dr. Lehrer's and had fun! Now I am pretty sure I am fixing to hard core crash, because for some reason I am tired! And I almost forgot I began the cleaning process on what is my side of the room!

Hello March!

Yet again, I have reached a new month! And I am more than ecstatic, I have come close sometimes to my resolution dying, but not due to apathy but do to OMG I haven't written my blog yet and it's 11:45! Though I have had some really crummy blogs, I am still writing, and sometimes just writing is all that matters.

Writing is something that I got into when I was younger, why? I have no clue. However, I have tried to save every scrap of paper that I thought I wrote something remarkable, even if it happened to be a really lame piece of poetry, or an essay in the third grade. I am not going to lie, I have gotten extremely distracted due to things I have written in the past. Whenever I would start cleaning my room, I might find a paper on the ground and go to put it in the suitcase that contains a lot of my writings, and BAM I am reading a story that I wrote on a flight to NYC for David's birthday.

Writing is also very therapeutic for me, several times in life when I would be fighting with a friend or something would happen that would make me not so happy or extremely ticked off and once again my pen would hit the paper and emotions would start flying and I would calm down.

Now that I let you in on why I write, I must admit a little secret, sometimes if I am upset about something I don't post it in a blog. And the reason for that... I am smarter than that to realize that what I say on the internet will be on the internet forever. Therefore, I am not going to be a fool and post things that may be regrettable in  few years, months weeks, days or even hours. Posting extreme feelings like that on the internet can be dangerous, because unlike my diary where I would write a boys name down with a heart, then the next week scratch that name out and replace it with a better cuter guy, I can't really just take a sharpee and take back what I posted. Because people still have the ability to read it. Crazy, I know.

However that is why I do what I do.