Falling from a Break

This weekend was fall break, which meant that at Howard Payne we had Friday off! A whole extra 24 hours of freedom! The weekend started with a bang getting to eat sushi with my Brother Sam and jam out to actual new fun pop music. Friday I got to spend pretty much all day with my mother, which was amazing because I love that woman! Saturday I got to judge a tournament and see some wonderful people. And Sunday I got to spend a bit more time with my family before hitting the road again to come back to school.  I had a really good weekend and don't think that I am not grateful for the camaraderie, family time and shopping however the weekend ended with some falling. And not in a good way either.

*Warning Happiness of the Break is Done*
The Falling from it starts now....




I know that I have written about it before but tonight it was just once again on my mind. "What?" you may be thinking to yourself, well, the truth is I think and those thoughts just like to drag my heart into the gutter. I just couldn't help myself but reflect every day this weekend and recall little portions of the day that made me think... of him.

And I hate that I do this! It always seems to find me when I can't seem to just vent to someone or am away from people who tend to put a smile after smile on my face. I hate that these thoughts seem to come in waves and just when I think that they won't come back they hit me hard and fast. And a bit of me can't help but think that I shouldn't be having these thoughts, regrets, and most importantly these tears rolling down my cheeks any more. But sure enough the thoughts come and the tears begin to fall.

I just can't help but be reminded when certain things happen, or are said or when songs are played or I go to certain places sometimes and I HATE THAT!

I do have to admit that I miss him, a lot. And whenever the thoughts rush, other crappy thoughts come into play and I sometimes can't help that. One of the worst thoughts: I am going to die alone. And I know that it's stupid to think that because I know that God has a plan for me but somehow I continue to find that thought gnawing at my heart every so often.

It was a long drive tonight back to Brownwood. Mainly because of an hour of those thoughts, however, I am back in an area where there are people I love, and away from the loneliness that is the long and boring and stressful ride to the dorms.

Fall Break may be over, but I Fall is just now starting. Can't help but wish that the emotional falling won't come back. And that the happiness of the break will come back once or you know twice more.

Overjoyed, and Loving it!

God is moving, no doubt about it. And I am excited. I cannot even begin to describe how overjoyed I am about knowing how powerful our God is combined with how I know he is about to do some amazing and remarkable things in Brownwood, and Howard Payne. But not going to lie, I am really excited about what God is doing in my own life and is going to do in my life.

God gives courage, and strength when he doesn't have to. He gave me the guts to go down and actually figure out how I can be Christ's love in Brownwood Regional Hospital. Which I am starting the application to volunteer for the "book cart" now. I am so excited that God has placed this on my heart and has given me a ministry opportunity in which I can love on people, who at times may feel like God is so far away.

God gives hope and peace when once again, God doesn't have to! God gives us reassurance of his plans in those lives around us that at times we just give up on. But God doesn't give up. Which makes me so grateful that I am not God, and eternally joyous that he is THE God. God makes moments that for some could be so devastating or just depressing almost be moments where we can just be excited. Where we can glorify his name for the lives of others that have entered and may have already exited our lives.

God is great. He has amazing plans for me and for you. And even though we might not know it or feel it, God has some incredible things in store for each and every person. Incredible things like joy, peace, patience, hope and love. God is ready. We just got to make sure we are.