The Truth of the Matter is...

I can almost say that it has been a year since moving from the land of Brownwood and Howard Payne and all that is Blue and Gold to Houston. Now most people will tell you that moving on with your life is a new adventure but very rarely will people tell you all the sneaky difficulties. One of the most common difficulties that face a young adult a brand new young adult attempting to be independent for the first time ever is the realization of things like bills. Now there are many young adult who are reading this and are thinking, "spoiled much?" And I am not disagreeing. But there is just something about entering the real adult world for the first time that bills become an imminent reality. Now along with the difficulties of bills comes the ever knowing simple responsibilities like knowing that you don't have a meal plan and a friendly cafeteria lady named Margie that will say hello to you at any point you don't want to cook or spend "real money". Oh, and there are those pesky things called taxes where if you do them wrong you pretty much lose money.

But I'm not here to list out the everyday normal difficulties that every college grad and even those that graduate high school to enter the workplace right away didn't know. I am more concerned about the things I took for granted of in college and in life prior to moving on with my life. 

One of the biggest shocker that some recent "real adults" can agree with is its lonely. Not saying that I haven't found friends, because I eventually did. Just that it's hard. With college you are almost guaranteed at least one relationship (good or bad bad) as soon as you sign up to live in the dorms. In the real world especially living on your own no resident director has assigned someone to see your face on the daily. I can honestly say though that finding people that you can make real deep connections with is hard. College was a blessing for allowing me to meet amazing women who truly care for me and became the people I would turn to in times of trials and triumph. Well the trials and the triumphs still come, but without the same aspect of backup. Almost a year has gone by and I can honestly say that if something were to go wrong, as it has, there are only two people whom I feel perfectly fine with being emotional that reside in this city. Now the only downside is honestly,  one is about to rock it up at Concordia on a full ride and the other tends to have to go to work on the other side of the world every couple of weeks.  Now don't get me wrong, I know quite a few people. The thing is it feels that there are only a few people who really know me and who I really know here. 

I am still trying to figure out how to adult. I'm not really good at it. So most of the time I do fake it till I make it. However I feel it really should not be this hard. I feel like there is something missing in either the world or the church (meaning the body of believers) when it becomes a struggle to figure out life. Nobody said life was easy but at the same time we were not built to live this life alone. Meaning we are built for relationships. We are supposed to care for others and be cared about in return. But something some where is missing. And, I know it's not just that I am messed up. I've tried and still come up with empty hands. I have lived in the city for almost a year and I have had moments where I genuinely feel cared about but then the investment seems to have stopped. And it may be partially on my way of thinking but, then I look down and my phone tends to agree. 

I don't know what I'm trying to say at this point, I just know that I am tired. I have made it almost year in the city that I felt called to, in the school I felt called to, and I'm tired. I don't expect people to change and start caring the way that some of my amazing friends in different cities care, I am not expecting a true change in how I feel. However, I still look at this next year as a year of possibility. With one condition, I do need a summer break.